I like shopping: either for myself, or for gifts I intend to buy for others. I don't like being dragged on a shopping expedition by my wife. For her, shopping is a sedative; a means of washing away the stresses of the day. She shouldn't shop for the sake of shopping, because it gets too frustrating to find something she really likes, then have to walk out of the store empty-handed because it's not in her budget.

When I shop, it's generally in a computer store. I enjoy tempting myself with the latest whizbang items, and then stepping away when the salesman starts to ask how many I want, and in what colours. I realize I'm toying with him. If he's a nice guy, I'll warn him ahead of time that I'm "just looking", but if the guy is high pressure, I'll let him take me to the edge before I deliver the bad news.

As much as I can enjoy shopping without spending a dime, there are times when I'm on a buying mission. Those trips are characterized by focused walks to the correct department, and direct questions about warranties and return policies. When the salesman comes to the realization that I'm an easy sale, ready for the picking, I give him my order.

I go through shoes faster than anyone I know. There are several reasons for this, the main two being: I only wear one pair until they fall apart, and I walk funny, so they fall apart rather quickly. At Christmas time, when I was buying several new articles of clothing, I stopped by the shoe department, but didn't buy, because my shoes were in very good shape. Today, just two months later, my shoes are worn to the leather, with less than a hundredth of an inch of sole, and not much more heel. I stepped into the store, said hello to George (don't you know the salesman's name by heart where you shop for clothing), and told him what I wanted. The exact same shoes I was wearing, in the same size. George looked worried - he didn't think he had that size, and asked whether I would take a 9-wide instead of an 8-1/2 double wide. He should have known better. Just to make sure, he went to check the back, and emerged with ONE SHOE, 8-1/2 double wide. Searching the store display, he found it's mate. I tried the shoes on only to make George feel better. I knew they'd fit. And, less than 10 minutes after arriving, I departed with my new pair of shoes. George should expect to see me again before the year is out...

(honey, if you're reading this - yes, I remembered to use your gift certificate - thank you very much!)