Reluctant but ready

I don't fear change, as much as I fear the effects of separation anxiety. By choice, I've not spent more than two nights straight away from my wife in the 13 years since we've met. We truly enjoy eachother's company, and even when we're not on the best of terms, it's clear there's no one I'd rather be with. I've found myself sobbing out loud these past two days, as the realization that our tender moments will be far too infrequent starts to take hold.

I love my step son too, but we're not too close any more. Long gone are the days when we played together... when he laughed at my jokes and my comic expressions; when he was interested in my opinions and was willing to at least listen to my advice. Last night, when I said "I'll miss you" while trying to suppress sobs, I'm sure he thought I was putting on a show. He's a young adult now, following his own path, and in the way that only youth can explain, will probably be glad to see me go. Whether he's still living at home when it comes time to move the rest of the household to Toronto is anyone's guess. Whether he chooses to follow his mother is up to debate.

So, this weekend, I start the next, scary chapter of my life. I'll go kicking and screaming to my new home, my new job, my new life. And I pray to God that I can keep it all together for the good of the family.