Lately, there's been a lot of talk in the news and in blogs about the multi-billion dollar judgement (reduced to only $28M - the nerve of some judges) against Philip Morris. Discussions have been pro and con, with some people comparing the ludicrous nature of the suit to a similar suit brought by someone who claimed McDonald's food caused his obesity.

Well, all that is peanuts compared to the suit I've been considering. I've got a beef with Wal-Mart. To be fair, Wal-Mart is a cool store. The old people who greet you seem to be a lot more fulfilled than many seniors I see elsewhere, and they have some really cool stuff at reasonable prices. But lately, their ads, specifically their Christmas ads, have caused me irreparable damage and emotional distress.

These ads play on the emotions of procrastinating Christmas shoppers like me, offering the promise that last-minute trips to the store will result in the successful acquisition of whatever I'm looking for. Though I realize it's a bit early to start my Christmas shopping, I was nevertheless intrigued with the thought of fully-stocked shelves, pleasant seniors, and eager sales people waiting to serve me.

So this morning, I ventured into a Wal-Mart nearby where I work. I was running early for a change, and had some time to kill. The store was pretty empty, and I had no trouble finding the correct department. And there were several clerks available, practically throwing themselves at my feet. I knew exactly what I wanted, and asked for it by name.

"Sorry, we're sold out" came the immediate and knowing response. So confident was the tone of voice, I had no doubt that a shelf-by-shelf search would prove fruitless. I was fuming as I left the store. I thought of the millions in damages I would be able to rightly claim.

And then, it hit me! What was I thinking! I'm shopping too early!

I'll check again on Tuesday.