I like Windows XP. Over the weekend, my wife and I decided to replace her computer - it had been a lemon since almost day 1. We are still on a very tight budget, so we decided on an e-machine. There was some reluctance, having previously purchased TWO e-machines - which both had to be exchanged within the first two weeks of life due to hardware failures - but the price was right. If first impressions are worth anything, this machine is going to be great. The hard drive runs silently, unlike our experience with prior machines, and the e-machine-enhanced version of Windows XP includes a system backup (i.e. file backup) utility and self-healing diagnostics built in.

In fact, the only less-than-satisfactory experiences we had setting up the machine occurred when we tried to install McAfee Virus Scan 7.0. Prior to purchasing the software, we verified that it was XP compatible (according to the box, it is). But when we tried to install it, Windows XP informed us that the application was not XP compliant, and warned us not to attempt the installation. Hey, we live dangerously. We ignored the warning and proceeded. So now, the program is installed, but I'd swear it's sucked up OVER 50% of the CPU's processing power. The computer used to snap to attention any time we clicked on any icon. Now, it sort of non-challantly thinks about whether to comply with our requests, and finally decides to coax a meek response out of the CPU.

I only wish there had been some way to capture the output from the Java-chat session with McAfee's tech support representative. I haven't decided yet whether she was actually human, or a bot programmed to respond to key phrases.

Here's a paraphrased version of my session with tech support. The tech rep's name was Kathy...

Kathy: Thank you for calling McAfee Security Systems online chat helpline. My name is Kathy. How may I help you today.

Me: I'm having trouble installing McAfee VirusScan 7.0 on a Windows XP system. The operating system is issuing a message indicating the virus software is not XP compliant and warns me not to install it. Since the box says it's compliant, I ignored the warning and installed it anyway. Now, my computer is running at less than half the normal speed. Can you tell me why XP issued the warning, even though your software says right on the box that it's XP compliant?

(long delay)

Kathy: Sir, you say you're having trouble installing VS 7.0 on an XP system. What message are you receiving?

Me: The operating system is issuing a message indicating the virus software is not XP compliant and warns me not to install it.

Kathy: I see. Was there a previous version of VS installed?

Me: The computer is new. There was an icon on the start menu offering a trial version of VS 6.0, but we didn't click it. So no, there was nothing installed.

Kathy: I see. You're saying you did not uninstall VS 6.0 before installing VS 7.0.

Me: NO. I DID NOT INSTALL V6.0.

(long delay)

Kathy: Based on the information provided, I am now ready to answer your questions.

(another long delay)

Kathy: I will send you instructions on how to manually uninstall VS 6.0 so you can proceed with V 7.0.

Me: I told you I never installed V6.0.

(A new window opens up on my screen with very detailed instructions to remove VS 6.0)

Kathy: Follow these instructions and let me know what's happening.

Instruction 1: Open Settings, select Add/Remove Programs, and select McAfee Virus Scan 6.0

Me: Kathy, I'm trying to follow instruction 1, but there is NO VS 6.0 SHOWING UP IN THE LIST - I TOLD YOU IT HAD NOT BEEN INSTALLED

Kathy: I understand sir, but you have to remove all the remnants of V6.0 before V7.0 can be installed.

Me: (I'm ready to throw in the towel). OK, Kathy, I'll try following these instructions (5 pages printed) and get back to you if there are any problems.

Kathy: If you have any trouble following the instructions, please contact us again. I will issue a call tracking number for this call. Please use it if you have to contact us again for this same problem.

Me: OK, what's the number?

(long delay)

Kathy: Taking into account the current call and service issue, would you say that you have been completely satisfied by the response you have received from me on this matter?

Me: To be honest, I think it's too early to say. Why don't you give me the tracking number, and I'll get back to you after I try these instructions..

Kathy: In 2-7 days, you may receive an email from McAfee asking about my performance on this call. (I can't remember the rest of the message, I was laughing so hard).

Kathy: The tracking number for this call is XXXXXXXX ....

Kathy: Do you have any further questions at this time?

Me: Not at this time (hopefully in my head and not verbally... How did you get this job?)

Me: (sarcastically) Have a great day.

Kathy: (no response)

Me: (terminates chat)


Yup, I guess I'll have that anti-virus program up and running in no time!