Living vicariously

I was there the day it all began...

The year was either 1977 or 1978, I can't remember for sure. I had recently been divorced, and was angry. Very angry. I figured the best thing I could do that was legal was to join the army and learn to kill people. To join the regular army would be foolish. I didn't want to die myself, I only wanted an outlet for my aggression. So, I decided to join the reserves. Living in Ottawa at the time, I had two choices: the army reserve or the navy reserve. I chose the army because I had discovered during my teen years at summer camp that I had a knack for shooting rifles accurately. I also didn't want to take the chance that I would become sea-sick on a ship somewhere in the ocean.

I found out very early in my training that the army is not a place for wusses. The guys who join these units are very gung-ho, and many come here as the first step in a planned military career progression. I was not cut of that cloth. Although I enjoyed marching, drilling, shooting, and learning all I could about the history of the forces and the tasks to be performed by members of the army, there was something I absolutely did NOT like doing - still don't like doing - and that is walking out front of a large group of people and taking command.

During the five years I served in the reserves as a junior officer, there was NOT ONE TIME when I led the parade procession. It was not by accident that I either scheduled other activities, or simply played hookie on the nights when I knew I would be called upon to lead the parade. Yes, I was embarassed. Yes, there were probably many soldiers who snickered behind my back for these antics, but I didn't care. I wasn't there to learn to lead an army. I was there to shoot stuff.

One day, a young (20 years old, I think) university student walked into the officer's mess and was introduced to us. He said his name was Andrew, and he quickly became the focus of the entire regiment. Andrew was a lad of many stories, all of them about the military. Within weeks of his arrival, we all knew that he was the son of a general, and whose father was also the son of a general. He told us that he would continue the family tradition and eventually become a general. Despite the gung-ho nature of his audience, there were probably less than a half-dozen people in the room who had aspirations to be fighting soldiers. We listened to his prediction with a large grain of salt.

During my tenure with the 30th Field Regiment of the Royal Canadian Artillery, I saw Andrew leapfrog me and several other more-dedicated officers in his ravenous quest for knowledge. Yet, he remained very personable - never making anyone feel like he had "climbed over" them. Rather, we watched him with the growing knowledge that this young man was destined for greatness.

Anyway, I left the reserves in 1981 and didn't really keep track of any of my ex-buddies until about six years ago. Using the power of the internet, I had decided to look up my old commanding officer. I actually managed to locate him (he was a government employee, but a civilian reserve officer - not regular forces) and we reminisced about old times. I then tried to recall as many names as I could and asked what had happened to them. When Andrew's name came up, I was told that he was a general in the Canadian Armed Forces.

A general at age 43? Could that be possible? I have continued to follow Andrew's career since then. In six short years, he has progressed from Brig-General to Maj-General and now to Lt-General (the equivalent to the American 3-star general). Typically in the Canadian Forces, you need a minimum of four years TIR (time in rank) to progress to the next step. And as you get to the top of the pyramid, your progression typically slows down, because there just aren't that many places ahead of you to grow into. In the years since I began following his career, Andrew has been the commanding officer of the Canadian Forces in Afghanistan (among other postings), second-in-command of all NATO forces, and has seen much combat. He also has progressed through the highest levels of military college strategy training - arguably attaining a level of military thinking that rivals the best of today's commanders anywhere in the world.

So we come to today's newspaper, featuring Lt-General Andrew Leslie taking over control as the leader of the entire Canadian Army. At age 49, he finds himself in the second-most-senior position in the armed forces. I imagine he has a counterpart on the naval side of the fence, but I can't imagine anyone with more experience, breeding, and enthusiasm. I don't know how old the picture is that accompanied the news piece, but it's hard to imagine him looking much older than 30-35 in that picture. If it is a more recent picture, then Andrew has aged quite well.

I'll continue to follow Andrew's career, and expect to see him as a full General in charge of the entire Canadian military when General Hillier (the current head honcho) is ready to retire.

1-5-7

This will probably be the last post about my grandson's funeral and followup events. At the funeral home, we left a guest book out for mourners to sign. I know for a fact that not everyone at the funeral home signed the book. But when all was said and done, there were 157 names in the book. That's at least 157 people who knew our families and thought well enough about us to attend and actually sign the book. We (i.e. my wife and I) have also received a great many cards from various individuals and families. I can only imagine that my daughter received at least as many herself. Thank you all for your expressions of support.

Also, through the generous donations of friends and family, I can report that my daughter was able to purchase a proper memorial stone for the grave site, and also received enough cash to enable the family to make their first-and-last rent payment to the landlord of the home they had hoped to move into. Come July, they will be out of the place that reminds them of their son, and will start fresh in their three-bedroom home, with a porch and backyard. I wish them well.

For anyone reading this blog who wishes to check the obituary and perhaps leave a message of condolence, please use this link.

Mixed bag

There are so few of us in the world, we barely rank a blip on census meters. Information on the internet suggests about 14.6 million total worldwide population, or less than 1/4 of 1 percent of the total world population. Only a small handful of countries in the world have Jewish populations that amount to more than 1% of the nation's total: Argentina, Canada, France, United States, and of course, Israel. I guess if the world was a school playground, we'd be the ones everyone picked on, because there just aren't very many of us to fight back.

While it is true that, as a people, we do our best to become educated and strive to attain the highest level of success possible within our capabilities, I don't see how that's different from the goals of any group of people. I know few people beyond certain religious orders that aspire to poverty. What few people know is that, as a group, a very large percentage of us still live below the poverty line in our respective countries. In Canada, for example, nearly 20% of Jews live below the poverty line.

With nearly everyone else in the world blaming us for everything that goes wrong, it's easy to form a persecution complex. So, I relish those times when people who have been particularly vocal about our destruction get their just desserts. Thursday, on the whole, was a good day. Both the U.S. and Israel bagged some really bad guys on the terrorist list; and that's a good thing. In Canada, on the other hand, a native-Canadian leader of the Assembly of First Nations tribe who had been convicted of spouting hatred against the Jewish people had his conviction overturned. Ahenakew will possibly face a new trial.

The Funeral and Beyond

We had the funeral today. Starting with a parents-only viewing before 11:00AM, it segued into the family viewing at 11:00AM, the public viewing at noon, the actual funeral service at 1:00PM and the funeral procession at 2:00PM. Interment followed at a local cemetery with a dedicated area for infants. Needless to say, the entire day was filled with emotion. The facial tissue boxes were emptying faster than a theatre where someone yells "FIRE!", and I saw the most grizzled of veterans bawling their eyes out. The death of a very young child will do that to you. My son-in-law delivered an inspired eulogy which made me very proud.

Following the funeral service, many of the people chose to continue to the cemetery; and of those, the majority came back to the church for a meet-and-greet. By the time all was completed, it was past 5:00PM. No one went home hungry and there were heartfelt displays of emotion and support from the most unlikely sources.

The hard part begins now... Trying to return to life as usual is not really an option. You can't unring the bell. But you can learn to cope, and that's what lies ahead for the young family. Grief counceling within the school system has already been arranged for the eldest daughter; and the younger daughter will learn more about her brother and his premature death as she gets older herself. Dad and mom will need to support one another, and perhaps seek professional support at some point. For the time being, however, they seem like they should make it.

My wife, too, has shown marked improvement over the past few days. Today, of course, was her day to grieve, but I can already sense that she's over the worst of the shock. She's already concentrating on ensuring that she focuses on the living, without dwelling too long on our grandson.

As for me, my task is much easier. Because of his youth and the limited contact I had with him, I never really got the opportunity to bond with my grandson to the same extent as my wife. His death saddened me. I cried very openly during the synagogue memorial service the day after his death. And I've sobbed a few times since, including during today's funeral. But I think I'm now over the worst of my loss, and will be strong for my wife, daughter, and son-in-law.

I'd like to publish a small headshot and memorial for my grandson on this blog, but I'll only do that with the permission of his parents. I have yet to ask for that permission.

An update

People can be so cruel. Despite being outgoing and previously respected, my step-daughter and son-in-law have had to endure accusatory glances from neighbors as police sealed off their apartment for the standard investigation that is done when a young one dies. It's been a depressing, horrifying, and degrading experience for everyone for the past couple of days. But now, the coroner has officially ruled the death as not being caused by any malicious activity. The funeral arrangements, which had been completed except for the availability of a body, can now proceed as planned. And the neighbours have again started coming forward with condolences and offers of financial assistance.

What a day

The forecast called for rain. The morning started out sunny and bright. As usual, I spent Saturday morning at my synagogue, with this particular weekend being the celebration of the end of the Jewish holiday of Shavuot (the holiday marking the day the Jewish nation received the 10 commandments on Mt. Sinai). As I mentioned previously, my birthday was May 31st, but by the Jewish calendar, I was born on the last day of Shavuot. Returning home from synagogue, I couldn't wait to remove my shaggy beard. Although I don't make a habit of shaving on a daily basis, I am not particularly fond of beards. The custom in my religion is to not shave or get your hair cut during the seven weeks between the Passover and Shavuot holidays. We had an appointment later in the afternoon to speak with someone about a rental property and figured the interview would go better if I looked presentable. So I didn't wait until sundown to cut off my unruly beard. It was only a few hours early - who would know!

As is our custom, my wife and I eat Saturday lunch at one of our favourite restaurants, and while we were there, the weather turned nasty. A torrential downpour began while we ate, but it slowed to a manageable shower by the time we were done eating. Stepping out of the restaurant, I glanced down to see a rain-soaked yarmelka. There aren't that many Jewish people in Windsor that go around with yarmelkas in their pockets, so I instinctively knew it had to be mine. A quick check of my pocket confirmed my suspicions. I picked it up and placed it in a blanket in the car. I've worn that yarmelka to prayers every day since the death of my father, and I wasn't ready to let it go. My plan was to dry it out at home and keep wearing it.

My step-daughter and her husband have been living in a small two-bedroom upper-duplex apartment for more than three years. Since they moved there, they added another beautiful baby to their growing family, and had been living in crowded conditions ever since. They've been trying to find a new place for over a year, but with the baby growing, their search took on new urgency. For the past couple of weeks my wife and I have been using the internet to search for possible properties (they wanted to find a house - not an apartment or duplex - with a fenced yard for the children). Miracle of miracles, we found an ad for a 3-bedroom home for rent that was big enough, clean enough, in a good neighborhood, close to schools, with a nice back yard, and within their price range. On Friday night, we contacted the owner of the property, and had agreed to meet her on Saturday afternoon with our daughter to look at the property.

There is an annual "Art in the Park" event in Windsor, and it was scheduled for Saturday afternoon. Because my step-daughter and her husband live near the art gallery, they have found from past experience that this is an ideal weekend to set up garage sales. The foot traffic of people looking for eclectic wares on their way to/from the gallery seems to work to their advantage. When my wife and I arrived at the house to pick up our daughter, we found them both out there with a number of their friends manning the sales table, huddled under tarps and umbrellas, enjoying the day.

As we drove off with our daughter, I asked whether she had authority and agreement from her husband to put down a deposit on the property should she find it to her liking. She indicated that she'd need to talk it over first, so I suggested it might be a better idea for both of them to see the property together. We doubled back to pick up her husband, and went off to view the prospective place.

To make a long story short, they both loved the place and put a deposit down on the spot. On the way back to their house, we were all so excited as we talked about what preparations would be necessary for the move, and how wonderful it would be to finally be in a home of their own.

When we got to their home, the sale was proceeding. The girls were playing on the porch and the babysitter reported that their youngest had remained asleep since being put down for the usual nap. My daughter went to the bedroom to wake her baby for his feeding only to find him face down in the crib.

Her baby had only learned within the past week how to roll over. And he chose that very unfortunate period to practice what he had recently learned. It cost him his life.

I can't describe the piercing scream I heard, even from the front yard, and the wailing that soon followed as daddy rushed up the stairs to find his only son unconsicious. The paramedics arrived in record time, but as I was to learn later, their frantic removal of the child with an IV, breathing mask, and blaring sirens was only an act for the benefit of the parents and the little ones. My step-daughter and son-in-law held out hope, because they felt their baby was still warm and could be saved. For anyone with medical training, it would have been obvious from the baby's colour that things were beyond miracle cures.

So here I sit, numb. No parent should witness the death of their own child, much less a grandchild. My wife asked me not to blog about this, so I didn't, yesterday. Today, I need to. It's my first point of release... the beginning of my grieving and healing process. Our kids are too grief-sticken to deal with the mundane details of funeral planning, so my wife and I are making arrangements. Overnight, our other children drove to town in the company of my step-daughter's "real" dad. We'll all be there to comfort her, but one wonders how you can really heal from such a wound.

As day turned into night, the rains came with a fury I haven't seen since ... the night my father died.

May they both rest in peace.

Birthday

It's my birthday. As a present, the province of Ontario has banned smoking in all public buildings, effective today. Yay!

What a delight!

My wife and I have just returned from a wonderful movie night with my sister. On tap tonight was a movie called Nanny McPhee. What a delight it was! Great company and great movie. Can't beat that!

Confirmed

OK. I have traced the source of the story to my satisfaction and I'm ready to weigh in with my opinion. It seems that Israel recently averted an assassination attempt against Palestinian Prime Minister Abbas which had been planned by rival governing group Hamas. This is significant on several levels. First, it shows that Israel is comfortable dealing with Abbas, as opposed to anyone who might be appointed by Hamas to replace him. I think that labeling Abbas as a moderate would be premature. However, he does seem to be a realist.

Israel is happy to have someone without the baggage of Arafat to be its adversary in the negotiation process. While Abbas must clearly represent the interests of the Palestinians, he does not represent the fanatic terrorist element that Arafat had represented for so many decades. With Olmert continuing the Israeli status quo of offering land-for-peace, all parties should recognize that this might be the best possibility for peace that the region has seen in years.

In my opinion, the political landscape has changed over the past 30 years. There was a time when neighboring Arab nations waged war (with actual armies) trying to destroy Israel. When Israel won those wars and increased its landmass, displacing the Arab population, it was considered the spoils of war. Israel regained access to Jerusalem after 2000 years of exile, and created a buffer zone between itself and its hostile neighbours. Fast forward a generation, and there are now a lot of bitter Arabs who have lived their entire lives in squalour and exile. And though I firmly believe it is mainly the fault of the Arab countries for not improving the lot of their displaced comrades after losing these wars of annihilation, it has been much easier and more convenient to blame it all on Israel so as to fuel the fires of hate and revenge.

The military situation has also changed over the past 30 years. Rather than use armies and limit hostilities to soldiers, the Arabs (and to a lesser extent radical Israelis) have resorted to terrorism to fight a war of attrition against civilians. Despite all this, Israel has taken the lead in unilaterally offering more and more concessions to the Palestinians in an effort to achieve a lasting peace. When Yasser Arafat was marginalized by his own party and pinned down in his own "headquarters" for three years, is there anyone who believes he could not have been easily "taken out" by the Israeli army? And is there anyone who believes for a second that, had the situation been reversed, the Arabs would have spared the life of a Jewish leader who was surrounded by such superior forces? The fact that Arafat was allowed to survive shows that Israel is not a country that is trying to exterminate its Arab enemies.

Time and again, Israel has bent over backward to prove their desire for peaceful co-existence. Yet, when they actually react militarily to acts of terrorism and try to use pinpoint strikes to take out major terrorist leadership targets, they are lambasted in the press if, God forbid, a few innocent bystanders are killed or injured. I wish it were possible for terrorist leaders to be killed without collateral damage. But when the terrorist leaders are so scared of being killed that they hide among civilian population in the (normally accurate) belief that they will be safer from attack, that is just too much.

So now we have Abbas being saved from assassination by the Israelis. With this latest gesture of diplomacy, Israel has signalled yet again that it is ready and willing to deal with any reasonable representative of the Palestinian people. Hopefully, Abbas will be able to convince his poliitical enemies in Hamas that the way of peace is the best means of survival and prosperity for the Palestinian people. If he only follows the examples set by Egypt and Jordan, two countries who have signed peace treaties with Israel and have seen immense improvement in their citizens' prosperity, perhaps I will be able to see peaceful co-existence in the Middle East during my lifetime.

Confessional

Bloggers forgive me, for I have sinned. It has been more than a week since my last post, and there hasn't been much to write about. Sure, there was the Mother's Day trip to Hamilton & Niagara Falls to visit the kids, and sure there were lots of embarrassing photos taken (none of which will appear here), but other than that, not much has been happening.

I read an unattributed news piece in a low-circulation newspaper. I'd like to comment on the story, but first, I'd like to verify the authenticity of the story. If I can do that, look forward to one of my few political posts.

Hope everyone had a good Mother's Day.

Doctors and Lawyers beware

In the old days, people needed to beware of car theft and car-jacking. Luckily, the most affluent among us could rely on hi-tech anti-theft systems to protect their prized automobiles. Not any more.

Pretty much operational

While I wait for the world to discover my work site, I have been spending some time on the design and coding of my synagogue's website. I've registered the domain and taken it upon myself to act as the webmaster for the site. There is a page or two that aren't quite the way I'd like to see them, but things are progressing.

I think the biggest challenge will be creating a proper set of style sheets so that the site can be enjoyed by people using screen resolutions lower than 1280x1024 - my preferred resolution. I've had people complain that there's far too much horizontal scrolling required to read the content. I feel like telling people to upgrade their resolution, but I realize that's not something I'm likely to ask, or that they would be likely to do.

Lobotomize me now

I fear I may commit murder. For a TV addict like me, this invention is nothing short of sacrilege. Only the loss of all emotional response would be able to stop me from doing my worst.

How confusing!

I've been sent an optical illusion by my sister. In the photo below, it is pretty clear who is angry and who is calm. So why isn't it so clear if you stand a few feet back from the screen? Who the hell knows!

Young hero

Robert's mother taught her five-year-old son how to dial 9-1-1. One day in February, the boy got the opportunity to put her lessons into practice during an emergency. Click here to find out how things turned out.

A+

It could refer to a Microsoft Certification, but in this context, it refers to the grade I was given for my first review period. I can now exhale.

The Reckoning

I've been told by everyone close to me that my new endeavours are progressing as well as can be expected for something new - and that, with a little more time and advertising, will blossom into a successful business. I don't doubt that either. After all, in this day and age, the need for experienced computer security professionals is a growing field.

Unfortunately, we're dealing with a government funded initiative here; and the fact of the matter is that the administrators of the program may or may not have the subjective power to extend my financial aid unless they are convinced that I am meeting my stated goals. It won't matter that these goals needed to be set before I received any instruction on how to plan and set realistic goals.

All this is ranting and speculation on my part. The actual review happens tomorrow, and I'm eager to plead my case. Whatever happens will happen. Whether the funding continues or not, I'm in this for the long haul. It would just be so much easier if I didn't have to scrounge for my next meal.

Sign language

Did you know I speak sign language? It's true! And here's the proof.

eBay update

I was on my computer to watch the end of the auction. Questions had been posed by people who had obviously not read the auction write-up, and had a negative ebay rating. And I was getting bids from people who had less than 3 rating points. As the auction grew near its close, I was afraid I'd be dealing with newbies who had no intention of consumating the deal. Then, with a couple of minutes to go, I received a slightly higher bid from someone with a credible rating. Even though I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the bid, there was still time for this buyer to get sniped.

Fortunately for me, that didn't happen, and I was happy to see an experienced ebayer win the auction. However, my mood changed when I got the email from ebay informing me of the win, and realized that the winning bidder was NOT a local resident. My listing had made it clear that the TV had to be picked up in person. It turns out that the winning bidder, while living several hundred kilometres away, was raised here, and still has family in the city. They will be making a trip next week to pick up the set. In the meantime, full payment has already been received.

All's well that ends well.

TV or not TV

A bit more than a week ago, my wife and I visited Future Shop and looked at HDTV sets. We've been teasing ourselves for years, but always managed to resist the temptation. The closest we ever came to taking the plunge was a year ago, when we saw the new Samsung HDTV on the built-in pedestal, and were ready to take the plunge. The only factor holding me back at that time was the possibility of losing my job. That job loss actually happened, so we were glad we didn't buy the set.

Anyway, during the trip last week, we saw a gorgeous set, a floor model, and were offered a deal we just couldn't refuse. So we didn't ... refuse, I mean. The new set came home this past Tuesday, and by Saturday afternoon, the living room had been completely arranged to incorporate the new set.

The old set, meanwhile, had been placed on ebay on Tuesday, and yesterday, the auction ended. Now, we're just waiting for the successful bidder to respond to our emails / invoice. Once the old big-screen TV is cleared out of our kitchen (where else could we put it), all will be well with the universe.

Whew, sure glad we cleared that up!

Sometimes, luck is more important than skill. Last week, I read some news I wanted to blog about, but forgot. This morning, I remembered and decided to blog anyway. So excuse me if this sounds like the "laugh a week after the punchline".

The U.S. has been involved in several armed conflicts since the time of my birth, and one conflict (WW II) just prior to my birth. I believe that the U.S. and its allies came very close to losing WW II, and that it was only luck - a few missteps by the Axis forces, that swayed the results. That, and an intelligence coup that put the decoder for the Enigma machine into Allied hands.

The Enigma machine, a cypher generator built by the Nazis, was way ahead of its time. With it, secret military messages could pass over open channels without any possibility of them being broken by the enemy. The "base" codes for the machine were changed frequently, so even if you were told what a given message meant, that did not help you decode any other messages. In fact, there were three messages from 1942 known to exist, encoded with Enigma, that had NEVER been decoded.

Using the power of distributed computing - volunteers around the world that allowed the power of their personal computers to be harnessed to solve a single problem - one of those messages was finally decoded. At first, I thought sarcastically - gee, it only took 63 years to break the code - that's not very secure. Then I realized it only took a month to accomplish, once the decoding project started.

You need to understand just how difficult this problem actually was to solve. The enigma machine had a whole bunch of dials on it. Each dial had several positions. And the code generated by the enigma machine was different for every combination of those dials and switches. Any one of the switches could be on or off (that's two choices per switch). And the dials had so many combinations, that to express that number in English, it would be "10", followed by 145 zeros. So, to analyze all possible Enigma codes, you'd need to multiply "2 x 2 x 2 x 2 ...." over 100 billion billion billion billion billion billion billion billion billion billion billion billion billion billion billion billion times.

The Nazis thought that was an impossible task. Today's computers can do the job in under a month - which brings me to the point of all this preamble... today's encryption methods have been freely placed into the hands of the average citizen, and the average criminal. Today's encryption methods make the Nazi code seem like child's play. Messages encrypted with today's methods cannot be broken for a period of time that is longer than the length of time the universe has been in existence (if you happen to believe in the scientific explanations of the current age of the universe).

The intellectual dilemma I face is one of mathematics vs. morality. Should we stop innovation in the area of cryptography because it gives powers to criminals that - without an intelligence coup - renders law enforcement officials unable to cope with the technological problem; or should we view every innovation as a step in the right direction, and take the attitude that NO CODE is unbreakable, and perhaps 50 years from now, someone else will be writing about how it only took a month to decrypt "unbreakable" messages from the early 21st century.

OK, I've got to stop before I give myself a headache!

Cool gift!

My wife got me a couple of polo shirts for Valentine's Day. In the box, there was a mock-up of an embroidered "Safe & Secure Computing" phrase, done in a nice script. I finally took the shirts in to be embroidered, then decided I'd rather have my logo, instead of the script.

I got the shirts back on Tuesday. Here's a photo of the logo, as embroidered onto my white polo shirt. I also have a black shirt with the same logo (although the phone number on the black shirt is embroidered in white thread).

An update

February ended with a flurry of activity - a saving grace because the month in general was slow vis-a-vis service calls. I did have an opportunity to work on marketing material, which, if I may say, really rocks! I've produced a number of unique flyers - with a central theme but geared to specific audiences. And I've prepared artwork for insertion into a local magazine. I'm looking forward to the response from that ad, although it won't be appearing until the April issue. My luck that February-March was a double-month issue, and the insertion deadline had passed by the time I had even been prepared to think about placing an ad.

A fellow "classmate" of mine opened up a café in downtown Windsor. It's called the Pause Café. Last night, I was called there to remove a very serious set of viruses, spyware, and other weirdnesses from two computers. He was set to open his doors today, but needed the computers for bookkeeping and recipe management. I finished working on his computers around 10:30PM, but then decided to set up his brand new Business High-Speed DSL connection, and once that was done, I downloaded security patches for one of the computers. There were 57 patches, not including Windows XP SP2 (which was not yet on his computer). By the time the downloads and installations were complete, it was around 3:30AM.

Those last five hours were not part of my contract, and I didn't ask for payment. But today, I visited his restaurant, and was treated to a three course lunch that was to die for!!! I started out with a salad (cucumber, red onion, greens, and a secret dressing). It was delicious, and filling in its own right. The next course was a deep bowl of home made chicken soup. I've never had soup from a bowl this large... it was probably about a litre of soup. Stocked with vegetables, fresh pasta, and chicken so fresh, I think I saw some twitching in the bowl. It was accompanied by fresh-baked bread for dipping. Finally, I finished with the third course: a salmon-salad sandwich, made from baked salmon and other ingredients I can't recall, served on multi-grain bread. It was different from any salmon-salad sandwich I'd ever had before, but thoroughly delicious.

If anyone happens to be downtown during breakfast or lunch hour, don't forget to drop by. You'll love the food and the ambience. The address is:

Pause Café
74 Chatham West
(519) 255-7288

Happy anniversary

It's not quite the right day (February 26, 2002 is the exact date), but in case I forget, it has been four years since I started this blog.

As I read some of the older posts, I can see a transition in my life, my attitudes towards people and things, and my relationships with various people maturing. That's a good thing, since I was even more selfish and unreasonable then than I am now. But at least I'm working on it.

I wish the good days would come back to my memory as easily as the bad, but I guess that's the nature of things. The blog has witnessed the loss of two jobs, the birth of two grandchildren, the death of my father, and most recently, the launch of a new career. There's lots to read in those archives, and I'll have to take some time to go over them more carefully.

I had never kept a diary in my life before starting this blog, so it's kind of neat that I've kept it up for this long. There have been times when I've gone quite a while between posts, but there hasn't been a time when I seriously considered stopping. Well, that's enough tripping down memory lane. We now return you to the present.

Doh!

So, I ordered business cards back on February 3rd. The company told me the design and printing would take a week, and that would be followed by the United States Postal Service getting their mitts on it, with a promise to have it delivered within 42 BUSINESS DAYS. That's 8-1/2 WEEKS for shipping. I asked the printer what their actual experiences have been, and they were non-commital. That's fair, seeing as they're not the ones doing the shipping.

Anyway, the printing price was so awesomely low, I went for the deal. Sure enough, on February 10th, I received an email from the printers telling me that the cards had been printed and delivered to the USPS on February 9th. I began to wait. Meanwhile, I'm trying to promote my business, and with no business cards, it's really hard to meet people and make a good first impression. So last Friday, I decided to look locally for deals on temporary cards... just a low-volume run that would tide me over for the next 7+ weeks. I decided to take a "proof" picture that I had received from the original printer, and use that to create some cards locally. I had no idea how good this screen-captured image would be, but decided I simply couldn't wait.

Low volume business card printing (two sided, full colour) doesn't come cheap. It was going to cost me as much to print 100 cards locally, as it cost to print 1000 over the net. I placed the order, put down a 50% deposit, and took the plunge. On Monday, the local printer called to have me come in and look over the proof. IT WAS MAGNIFICENT! The colour flew off the page, and it was 100 times better than I expected it would be. I was told the cards would be ready Wednesday.

So, this morning at 10:30AM, the Canada Post truck pulls up, and I take delivery of my 1000 cards from the U.S. These cards look as good or BETTER than the proof I viewed yesterday. Right now, I just feel like Homer Simpson... with 1100 perfect business cards. Here, I've purposely corrupted the image and resaved at quite low resolution - but trust me, the real cards look great!

That's freaky!

I have lots of interests, all related to computers. For those who've been following along, I have been experimenting with a site dedicated to predicting the results of Major League Baseball games. In addition, I've had a fascination going back almost 25 years to create a unique matchmaking service. Being more a dreamer than a doer, most of my dreams/plans have gone unfulfilled. Lately, however, I've been more focused and am actually doing something about these things.

With respect to the matchmaking service, I've been scouring the internet for appropriate personality inventory systems - the idea being that certain personalities gel well with other personalities. When I find these kinds of sites, I generally take their test to see what my personality is like.

So today, I came across one and took the test. Here is an excerpt from the report - the VERY FIRST PARAGRAPH of the report (the emphasis is mine):

"The primary desire of the Protector Guardian is to be of service to others, but here “service” means not so much furnishing others with the necessities of life (the Provider’s concern), as guarding others against life’s pitfalls and perils, that is, seeing to their safety and security."

I kid you not! I guess my newest endeavour is well-conceived!

Colour me bashful!

My sister sent me a really cute video, which has been added to my Comic Relief section. I just think babies are adorable. Don't you?

(If you don't normally use your speakers, I'd advise turning them on for this clip).

Website update

It's getting bigger and bigger. Since my first site was posted, I've added a couple of tabs, and the information is now quite usable (I also have a PDF file with my "grand opening" promotion - though that's not what I called it). Now that I have flyers, and a copy of the artwork from my original online business card site (so I can print a temporary batch of cards while waiting for the real thing to be delivered), I might be able to get this puppy off the ground. Wish me luck!

Oh yeah, on a related note, you'll never guess what my sweetie did for Valentine's Day. She bought me (soon-to-be) monogrammed shirts with the business name stitched on! Wasn't that special?

One more day

That's all I've got left in my four-week long training course. I've learned a lot of useful stuff about starting and running my own business. And I've learned that despite all the training and positive reinforcement, I'm not alone in feeling like the first three months are going to be absolute hell. None of us know how closely we'll be expected to meet our initial revenue projections - projections made without a shred of knowledge as to how to set reasonable expectations. One thing is sure... regardless of whether I survive the three-month review, my commitment to this new path is absolute. I will continue down this path regardless of what anyone else says. Whether or not I can meet my three-month revenue projection, I have absolutely no doubt that LONG-TERM my business idea will be successful.

The website I've thrown together will improve with time, and grow in scope, but for now, here it is: Safe and Secure Computing

Superbowl XL and Sin City

It's surreal around here. We're located just across the river from Detroit, Michigan - home of Superbowl XL. My hometown of Windsor has always had a reputation as a "place to party". The Casino built in this city was the first in Ontario, and was probably the final straw that broke the camel's back when Detroit city council, after countless failed attempts to get public approval for casinos, realized they needed to build some to stop the flow of American gamblers to our fair Canadian city.

We have lots of licensed massage parlours, where, for a fee, you can basically get anything you want - completely legally, by the way, as long as you are properly registered and licensed by the city. And the strip clubs in this city rival anything you've ever seen in Las Vegas. Oh yeah, since Canada has excellent trade relations with Cuba, Windsor is also home to many cigar parlours - catering to the American crowd that crosses the one-mile-long bridge (or tunnel) that links our two countries.

Still, with all that Windsor has ALWAYS offered to our guests from America, the media somehow got locked into this "Sin City" moniker in relation to the Superbowl. Our reaction has probably been a bit mixed. While nobody wants their city to be referred to as "Sin City" (except maybe cities in Nevada), the tourism business in this town has gone absolutely bonkers these past few days. The local papers carry stories of the many rumours circulating about people such as Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck, and Jessica Alba - some or all of whom may be somewhere in our city.

Blue-collar town Detroit, meanwhile, seems to have aligned itself with like-minded Pittsburgh; with many on-air radio personalities openly supporting the Steelers. At least here in Windsor, our local papers are trying to provide equal and balanced coverage.

But back to the surreal atmosphere... each year for the July fireworks, we have several hundred thousand viewers camped out on both banks of the Detroit River to watch the show. A good portion of the crowd take their places on the Windsor side of the border, where the legal drinking age is lower, the Canadian dollar is (still) worth less than the American dollar, and there is virtually no crime. That crowd is gathered for only one day. The crowds around here lately have been building for the past week - to the point where the number of out-of-town license plates is rivaling the number of local plates.

I'll actually be a bit sad to see the city go back to its own, normal, obscurity after Sunday's game. Still, for those fleeting moments when some football viewers get to see Canada "up close", and seem so surprised when they find we talk the same language, dress like they do, and even have temperatures above the freezing point in the middle of winter, I get to smile a wide, proud smile in the knowledge that each one of us Windsorites did our part to welcome the world.

What a softie

OK, so I'm a softie. I don't have a feminine side, just a tender masculine side. So the video below really affected me.



What do you think?

Sick stuff

Not for the weak of heart... see what happens when a PETA member is duped into doing a work stint at a lab that does animal testing. It's sick stuff!

Corporate car

My new small business needs to be advertised. Ever since the smart car was released by Mercedes Benz, I've loved its geek chic look, and its undeniably low cost of ownership. So, I was very impressed when I saw this...




If I needed another reason to consider this as my next vehicle, that definitely was the deciding factor!

Week 2 finished - things heating up

The classes have been invaluable. Things I thought I had to do to be successful may not be needed. Simple things I hadn't considered might be critical. I've seen a lawyer, an accountant, a marketing guru, a business coach, and a graphic designer. All have lots of tips they're prepared to share - completely free of charge - because I'm part of this program. I can't imagine how much this could have helped me the first time I started a business... but that's ancient history.

I'm working on setting up my accounting system, creating ideas for marketing proposals, business card designs, web site text, and promoting strategic alliances as part of the preparation work for a concerted introductory campaign. I'm also trying to put together a press release that I'm hoping the local media will pick up on. I'll keep you all posted.

Week 1 completed - three more to go

I'm chomping at the bit. They're telling us not to print business cards yet, since we get free use of a professional graphic designer at the end of the second week of training. The question now seems to be "What do I give to my business contacts?".

I've had a modest number of service requests this week - all coming without the benefit of advertising. Some of my friends know that I'm now in business, and I've been getting gigs from that group. Thanks, guys!

Business training - day 1

I don't think I'll be doing a day-by-day breakdown of the training sessions. Just wanted to mention that today was day 1, and there are 18 days of training to go (we have the day off tomorrow). Only one day into the course, and there's already a world of useful information.

Employment update

Turns out that second interview didn't go well. I knew it had gone strangely, but I found out Monday that I hadn't gotten the job. In a way, that was a relief, because that last minute job potential had been distracting me from creating a business proposal to put before the Self-Employment Assistance program. The Canadian government provides the opportunity for unemployed people to seek self-employment, and the government is sometimes willing to extend unemployment benefits; providing you can put forth a business proposal that makes sense.

During the first week in January, I had attended a three-day course to learn how to prepare a business plan. Normally, when the government puts on this course, it runs from Monday through Wednesday, then you have an entire day to work on the plan before attending a question-period appointment. Because of the New Year falling on a weekend, the first Monday in January was a statutory holiday. The course was presented from Tuesday through Thursday, with no extra preparation day before the Friday question period. And it was during this period that I was also attending the job interview.

Anyway, I worked through the weekend on the proposal and presented it to my advisor on Tuesday. I was told that a decision would be made on Thursday, but was also informed that my conservative sales projections might work against me during the Thursday meeting.

About 1/2 hour ago, I got word that my proposal had been conditionally accepted. The program will monitor me closely to see whether I am achieving my revenue targets, and if not, they could still decide to withdraw their support after a three month trial period. But for the moment, the decision has been made to fund my efforts, and I'll be starting a four-week preparation seminar next Monday.

Here we go!

Second interview

I had a second interview yesterday. It was strange on so many levels, with very little, and very much being accomplished in a span of merely 10 minutes. I walked out not having a clue what was going to come of it all. Nevertheless, I do have other opportunities brewing, and I'll give that my full concentration for the moment.

It was bound to happen

The courts, in their "wisdom" have made it clear that marriage should not be restrictively defined as between a man and a woman. So, this really doesn't surprise me!

The spirit of Christmas

Here in Windsor, Ontario, Canada, we're located just one mile from Detroit, Michigan. So close, and yet so far. A different city, a different country, a different culture lies just beyond the narrow Detroit River. The majestic skyscrapers of downtown Detroit hide the seemier sights and sounds of the nearby ghettos - scenes of the infamous 1967 race riots. Many of the burned out shells destroyed almost 40 years ago still stand today. Detroit has a reputation, some say well-earned, of being a rough and dangerous city. While no longer considered the murder capital of the U.S., it is still close to the top of the list. Crimes of all kinds are far too frequent, as witnessed by the constant references to crime on the nightly news.

Contrast that with Windsor, a relatively sleepy city of 200,000+ residents, that has endured a particularly grisly year with six or eight murders. Windsor made the news this past week for a very strange reason. One that led to some unexpected comments from our neighbours in Detroit.

By the way... the place mentioned in the stories above is located four blocks from my home.

Today was alright...

My foot was feeling well enough to hobble along without much discomfort. I'm still favouring the foot, but the pain is substantially reduced. On the other hand, my cold has gotten worse, and I did a lot of coughing and throat clearing today. Normally, that wouldn't be so bad, except today I had a job interview. The people doing the interview had been told in advance about my foot and my cold, so I hope that was taken into account.

Interaction between them and me went smoothly, with each of us feeling quite comfortable. All questions were answered candidly, but in a positive fashion. Where there was a lack of knowledge in a particular field of expertise, I pointed out that none of those areas would be difficult to master with a bit of on the job training, and that I had other skills that could be transfered to other members of the support staff.

There were the standard "soft" questions to try to flush out my psychological profile. I have no way to tell how I did on those questions, since they weren't the standard questions you learn about from some of the recruiting websites. Still, I came away feeling that if I decide not to pursue self-employment, I may still be able to get a "real job".

How I spent the Christmas holiday

I've been suffering a particularly painful bout of the gout (at least I hope it's gout) for over a week now. My foot has been too swollen to properly fit into my shoes, and the bone just below the base of my big toe is red and tender to the touch. I haven't been able to walk properly in almost a week, and when I finally tried to leave my house yesterday, I could only do so with the aid of a cane.

With that in mind, the Christmas holiday visiting season was quite compromised this year. The day before Christmas, my father-in-law and his wife visited us, as did my step-daughter and her husband, with their three kids. Also joining us for that evening were my brother- and sister-in-law. This day marked the official "coming out" party for the newest grandchild, at the age of one month old. He's such a tiny package, but it was still a joy to see everyone fussing over him so!

I was pretty much confined to the easy chair, since I couldn't stand without difficulty.

By Christmas day, my step-son had made it into town and we celebrated the traditional Christmas lunch and present opening with nearly everyone present. Only one of my step-daughters was missing - her work schedule called for her to be at work and she couldn't make it home until the 26th. With the hustle and bustle of little kids around, my foot was in danger of being prodded; and despite my best efforts, there were a couple of times when it was subjected to an accidental jolt that nearly sent me through the ceiling with pain. Although our entire family had been invited out to dinner at a different brother-in-law's house, I tried but failed to put on shoes, and elected to stay home.

Things were much the same on the 26th, and I spent the entire day indoors and off my feet. On the 27th, I felt like I was letting my discomfort rule my life, so I did what I could to force a pair of shoes on, and took the opportunity to visit my mother and sisters; along with a neice who was celebrating a birthday that day. Walking was tolerable with the cane, but I had to warn everyone that I would not remove my shoes (dirty or not) for fear of being unable to get them back on.

This morning, I can finally fit a slipper over my foot without too much discomfort, although if I snag my toe or heel on a carpet, or an edge of a piece of furniture, the pain is immediate and excruciating. I am able to slowly shuffle around the house without use of a cane, but I haven't been brave enough to venture up to the second floor.

This afternoon, I hope to install a new DVD dual-layer drive into my computer. I received it as a gift from my wife, and I'm anxious to see how well it works. Also, when my step-son arrives home, I have to put some effort into trying to install a new water valve in the laundry room that will allow the dogs to automatically replenish their water supply when it runs low. Up until now, my wife has had the job of refilling and lugging a 50-pound water jug on average twice a week to keep those thirsty labs happy.

Next week, I'm scheduled to attend classes meant to prepare me for running my own business, but to throw a wrench into the whole self-employment concept, I received a call today from one of my ex-employers saying they'd like to interview me for a newly available opening. As much as I would enjoy working with those people again, I have some lingering doubts about the long-term prospects. I'll have to give the whole thing some serious thought.

Mixed message?

To understand the message, you must first understand the context.

Apologies in advance...

From here:


Christmas 2003

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Jerry Springer, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

More proof that God exists

I have no doubt that God exists, and that he watches over me. This apparently extends to those I love as well. Let me explain. Tuesday night, fairly late in the evening, I get a call from my sister. She's the one in the Toronto area whose basement was destroyed by a flash flood back in August. The walls and floors were just replaced, with the final repairs having been made that same day. Finally, she had the time (and new furniture set up) to put her computer back into service.

Everything was plugged in as per the wiring diagrams she had carefully drawn before disconnecting the equipment several months ago, and when the power switch was turned on... nothing happened. She could hear the computer running, but there was nothing except a blinking light on the monitor. So she called me.

She wanted to know if I could come over right away (I live 250 miles away and it's a couple of days before my wife hosts a large family Christmas party). I said no. She offered to pay for my train tickets. I still said no, and pointed out that a service technician would be much more convenient, and significantly cheaper than me hopping on a train. My wife even suggested that she pack up the computer and bring it to our house this coming weekend. She didn't think it would be safe to carry the computer on slippery pavement to her car, so she said that was not an option. After much badgering, and her insisting that she didn't want anyone else messing with her computer except me, I finally gave in.

We spent the next 15 minutes or so making online train reservations for the next morning (I can't believe how expensive last minute tickets cost - even economy!), and after using her credit card number to pay for the tickets, I remembered an important appointment that would be missed if I took that trip. We then cancelled the tickets, and made another reservation for later on in the day.

So, Wednesday comes, and I do everything I had planned; then rush to catch a 5:30PM train that should get me into Toronto at about 9:15PM. It was 10:00PM when I actually got to Union Station, and because of my current limp, it took me a few minutes to walk to the subway. I finally got to the subway stop where my sister had arranged to pick me up. It was the last stop on the line, and the time was after 11:00PM before I got in her car. I hadn't eaten in several hours, so finding food was a priority. Not much is open at that time of night on a weeknight, so I had to settle for fast food takeout.

By the time I got to my sister's house, it was after midnight. My return train ticket required that I get onto the subway by 10:00AM on Thursday, so I didn't have much time to waste. Luckily, the problem with the computer was very minor, and was fixed within 5 minutes of arriving at the workstation. Since the computer hadn't been used in a few months, there were many updates that needed to be applied. She doesn't have high speed internet, but it is slightly faster than dialup. Using her connection, it took several hours to update the antivirus program, spyware detection program, and browsers (both Firefox and IE had needed to be updated). And once all that was done, there were the general questions that were posed and answered.

Finally, at around 3:30AM, everything was done, and even though my sister was still using the computer to catch up on email, it was time for me to get to bed. No sooner had I stepped away from the computer than we heard a menacing pop followed instantly by smoke billowing from every orifice of the battery backup unit. The smoke was thick and acrid. It was clear that toxic fumes were being created from burning plastic. My first priority was trying to get under the computer desk and turn off the switch on the battery. Smoke continued to pour from the battery, and I worked frantically to unplug all the devices that were plugged into the battery. Each time a device was unplugged, smoke began to billow from the newly uncovered holes. Having finally been able to unplug all the wires, it was time to unplug the battery from the wall. That was difficult to do because of the position of the wall outlet, but eventually, we got it out.

The battery is somewhat rectangular in shape. I picked the battery up with my bare hands and tilted it so that the longer part of the rectangle pointed up. My rationale was that, if there was still an active fire inside the battery, it would be facing up, away from my hands, and away from the lead-acid battery cell. I quickly made it up the stairs, through the garage, and outside, where I gently laid the battery on the snow-covered sidewalk. We headed indoors to open some windows to air out the basement (the smell was overpowering), and eventually went back outside to disconnect the internal lead-acid battery cell from the battery housing.

As far as I can tell, nothing that was done to service the computer had any bearing on the battery. It had not been overloaded (the only things plugged into it were the computer, monitor, and cable modem). Based on what I can tell, that battery would have started on fire approximately three hours after the computer had been powered up, regardless of whether it had been fixed by a technician, by me at my home, or by me in her basement. Only the last option, however, would have resulted in me (or anyone else, for that matter) being present at the moment the fire started.

Any other scenario, and the house would have been burned to the ground, possibly with my sister and her daughter still inside.

Thank you, God, for saving us from all that grief.

(P.S. The trains were running so far behind schedule because of weather, VIA Rail has offered a 50% discount on my next trip!)

I knew there was something I liked about Christmas

I guess I should be proud this happened in Canada!

King of my domain

For someone without an income, I'm feeling pretty flush these days. I've been going on a bit of a buying spree, renewing and/or registering domain names that I think will be beneficial to me should I successfully start my own business. There are a number of domain registrars and hosting companies that sell their services for next to nothing, and I can only hope they'll deliver adequate quality once I actually set up more than a parked domain page. Time will tell.

Huh?

December 7th

December 8th

When is a blog not a blog?

What do you call a collection of dated postings, written by a single person, which expresses opinions, informs readers, and offers insightful advice. Many might call it a blog. There's one such site which I visit almost daily, yet for some reason, I access it via a dedicated link on my desktop. It's called Joel on Software. Why it hasn't been included in my list of blogs is, frankly, beyond me. Today, it gets added to my list of good sites to visit. Is it a blog? You decide. Is it interesting? For the right audience, definitely!

Ho ho ho

In the spirit of the holiday season, I've added a new entry into my Comic Relief list. Thanks to my sister for this submission.

Back to boring

Everybody's home from the hospital and things are pretty much back to boring.

Going home

It's a good day today. My mother-in-law received her pacemaker yesterday, and is scheduled to go home today. Except for a little residual pain, she's feeling fine, and her ticker now keeps better time than my wall clock. My daughter was released from the hospital days ago, but is still visitng the hospital daily to provide love and nutrition for her young son. He should be going home sometime soon, having done quite well in the neo-natal unit of the hospital.

I also want to acknowledge the many packages of clothing and other supplies that have been donated by family members, both mine and my wife's. These gifts are much appreciated by my daughter and her husband.

Setting the pace

The doctors have decided that my mother-in-law will be getting a pacemaker. It is scheduled to be inserted on Monday or Tuesday. My wife is naturally a bit concerned, but we all think it's better to have the procedure done before there is a "real" emergency. The only complaint we had is that the doctors had been saying all day Friday that they were going to be delivering "good news" before the end of the day.

Perception is everything... as far as my mother-in-law was concerned, "good news" meant she would merely be sent home with a change in medication. The doctors, however, meant the "good news" was that she was a good candidate for the surgery. Oh well, at least we've gotten that cleared up!

Like a good neighbour...

I got a call a few minutes ago. It was from the manager of the complex where my mother-in-law lives. It seems the neighbours had voiced some concerns that they had not seen or heard from my mother-in-law for a few days, and they wanted to make sure she was alright. Things like this restore my faith in the human race.

Welcome, Brandon

Born at 12:36AM, baby Brandon and mommy are doing fine!

How many birthdays tomorrow?

November 23rd is the day traditionally reserved for contacting my cousin about his birthday. We're the same age, with him being a few months older than I am. We grew up together, so he's pretty close to my heart. I have two grandchildren, both born on February 2nd. Both were born five weeks premature. My third grandchild is due around Christmas day. His soon-to-be mother just went into labour today - approximately five weeks early. The odds of him being born on the 23rd are probably better than 50%, as far as I'm concerned.





How cool would that be?

And how cool would it be to have grandma (my mother-in-law), my wife, her daughter, and possibly my step-daughter's new-born son, all in the same hospital on the same day.

It's shaping up to be just another boring Wednesday!

Not the best of days

Yesterday, my mother-in-law had an EKG on the advice of her doctor. She's been suffering from general fatigue and her GP had noticed a slow and erratic heartbeat. The EKG was scheduled to take half an hour, but before the test was even finished, technicians at the hospital had decided that things were going poorly, and my mother-in-law was sent to the emergency department. She has been placed on a heart monitor, and doctors are adjusting her heart medication to see what will happen. Consensus at this point is that she will need to have a pacemaker inserted, and surgery will probably be scheduled for some time in the next few days.

Meanwhile, there is a shortage of beds at the hospital. She spent last night sleeping in a cubicle in the ER. Rumour is that the man in the next cubicle has been there for several days. Except for the lack of solid walls and a TV, she is, at least, in a private area. If she had been placed in a room, it's likely it would have been in a ward, with three other roommates. This way, she's within a few feet of the main ER nurse's station and lots of doctors.

I hope all goes well with her, since she's relatively young, and my wife is certainly not ready to face a life-and-death situation with her mother.

A note from our sponsor

Today, I was asked whether I design web sites. The short answer is NO. Website design is more than just stitching together some HTML and placing it on the web. I have no artistic eye, and absolutely no artistic capability (except when it comes to code design and user interface). But colour and form are just not in my vocabulary.

Still, I told my friend that I would blog about a topic near to his heart, in lieu of actually creating a website for the purpose. The synagogue I attend is about to celebrate its centennial. Some say it's even older than that, but the consensus is that it has reached its 100'th year (though it's current location is not the original building).

I've been asked to announce that anyone who was a member of the Shaarey Zedek congregation in Windsor, Ontario, Canada, and who would like to contribute stories and/or photographs depicting events or other gatherings from their time in the shul should contact the centennial committee chairman at 1-800-442-8190.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programme.

Speaking of technology...

I'm so pumped about the revival of the computer, I have been thinking of ways I can take advantage of its resurrection. Primarily, it will be used to demo software that I create. And it will be an excellent way to prove to prospective clients that my software will run on virtually any vintage PC - even really old ones with a slow processor!

On the other hand, I'll need to be careful about how much "junk" I load it with, since I just discovered that the hard drive in this puppy is smaller than the one on my tiny MP3 player!

Power to the people

The battery arrived in today's mail, and first impressions are definitely positive. The self-test button on the battery showed an initial 50% charge - which was verified when the battery was placed in the laptop and the power management software indicated a 49% charge. Just a short while later, the battery is showing a full charge and for the first time in years, the laptop is capable of running without a power cord.

It may sound like nothing much, but the decision to order the battery was difficult to make. First, the original battery was so dead, it wouldn't even respond to the self-test button, despite having been "recharged" for more than 24 hours, and despite showing an 89% charge on the power management software status screen. Second, I had no way to know if the internal battery charging circuit in the computer was still working, given what I was seeing with the original battery. Last, and certainly not least, was the fact that the computer was so old to begin with. There was some question whether there was any point making it functional again as a portable unit.

Now that the computer is running successfully under battery power, proving that the battery and the internal charger are fully operational, I feel much better about the decision, and will be using the computer much more than I had been.

I've (almost) got the power

I took a chance today, and I'll let you know later whether it will pay off. A few years ago, I worked as a consultant for a large IT services firm. They provided me with a laptop, and when I left their employment, I assumed they would want their equipment back. Despite my sending several emails offering to return it, they never followed up, so I eventually wound up keeping it.

The machine is probably seven or eight years old, so it's not exactly up to date, but it is portable, and better than nothing. However, a few years ago, the battery wore out and it has only worked properly when powered by the AC power source. I've considered buying a new battery for quite some time, but today, I took the plunge and plunked my money down on a no-name replacement battery I found on eBay.

It's the first time I've purchased anything from eBay, so I hope I don't get scammed. The seller had an excellent profile, and from the feedback, I could see that he has sold this item before to many people. At less than one third of the price from the manufacturer, I just couldn't say no. If it turns out to not work, I'll send it back for a replacement. If it works for only a short time, well then, I guess I'll have learned something. But for now, I am optimistic that my experience will be positive.

I'll keep you posted.

Movin' on up

This weblog, for me, is like an online diary. I had never kept a "diary" in the traditional sense prior to starting this. In the early days, I thought it was important how many people visited the site on a daily basis, and I was obsessive about trying to find ways to get more people to stop here. One day, a few years back, someone with a real presence in the world of blogging had honoured my tiny corner of the universe with the "Site of the Day" designation, and my numbers soared artifically high for a short while. But, on the average, fewer than a dozen or so people actually stop here on a regular basis and I no longer feel the need to entertain anyone.

So, what's the point of this post - following on the heels of only a very few in the past weeks...

One of the original "bloggers" - certainly the one whose site I've admired most over the years - has called it quits. Not because of anything sinister (like the blog wars of several years ago, where some good people were scared away due to insensitivity from others), but simply because she's run out of things to say. Her long-held desire to become an author has finally gained enough strength to force her to take action, and her weblog - which has taken so much time and energy to maintain - will be the project that is directly affected by her change in priorities.

"A Small Victory", as her site was known, was always a place where I could go to read well-crafted stories and passionate political commentary. In recent months, the political commentary began to disappear, and so did my interest in her site. In an attempt to become less controversial, she had lost the spark that had kept me coming back. I kept hoping she would change her mind and get back into the fray. But it was not to be, and this week, she pulled the plug.

I'll miss her, but I know she'll be happy in her new endeavours, and that's really what life is all about. So, goodbye, Michelle. It was a blast while it lasted.

Not much happening

Nothing much has changed... I'm still unemployed, still working hard to improve my stress issues, and still plugging away at my project. I've been updating my website fairly regularly, and plan to make some changes during the off-season. Here's hoping I make some money when the new season starts.

Thanksgiving weekend

I'm so thankful that I had the opportunity to see all my children this past weekend. They're not always able to come back home for the holidays, due to the demands of their various jobs. But this weekend, I got lucky and had the opportunity to spend time with them all. I'm so proud of how well they are maturing - and having the opportunity to celebrate my son's birthday was a real treat.

As they grew up and went their own ways, their mother had doubts at times about how well she had raised them. To see them now, she can be proud of the wonderful job she did. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful family - where everyone is healthy, and for the most part, satisified with their direction in life. What more could a man wish for!

I've been VOIP'd

Our local cable company recently started offering telephone service using the same cable as the internet uses. I had been considering getting VOIP service from VONAGE or Packet8. There were always reasons for holding back. With the local cable company now offering the service, all my concerns were put to rest. We'll now be paying about $45 for telephone service (including unlimited long distance and the five most-used calling features). That's down from the $60+ we had been paying, and WAY DOWN from the $90+ when I was regularly calling my out of town employer. Now, even if I get a new telecommuting job, those calls will be free!

It's been installed less than an hour, and I'm already in love with the caller ID feature and clear voice signal.

Edited to add

So, I'm on the phone talking with my daughter (it's the third call since getting the service) when the internet goes down. The phone goes dead right in my ear. Just a bit disconcerting. Hopefully, this is not some kind of omen.

Looking for good news?

Sorry I haven't been posting often. There hasn't been much "good" news to talk about, and I'm acutely aware that very few people get any pleasure reading the daily whinings of someone down on their luck.

So, today, I offer a bit of good news. My kids are coming from out of town to join us for the Canadian Thanksgiving holiday weekend. It will be great to see them for the first time since before Labour Day.

In other news, my baseball project is showing promising results. After extensive testing and validation, I decided there wasn't enough time left in the current season to launch a commercial service. I will continue working on automation processes during the off-season and hope to be able to go live early next season.

Somebody's having a birthday!

This Sunday, my wife will be celebrating a birthday. I'm looking forward to the day, because it will give me something very positive to focus on. She does so much on a daily basis to buoy my spirits and I don't tell her enough how special she is. So, have a wonderful birthday, honey!

Fuck stress!

I'm under a lot of stress. I've been angry alot lately (lately being a relative term), and it's taking its toll. Being without work sucks big time. Not only do I lose my stream of income, but being a traditional male, the feeling is somewhat emasculating. There have been very few positions advertised in my field, and to make things worse, I'm seeing administrative job postings (with educational requirements of a highschool diploma) that are paying more than some IT positions.

Friday, I reached the breaking point, quite literally. I was sitting at my desk, working on something or other, when I forgot everything. I remembered my name and my wife's name, but that's about it. Kids names were gone, as were the names of our beloved dogs. I couldn't remember any telephone numbers - couldn't even remember where my wife puts the phone book. The episode lasted less than ten minutes, and recovery came slowly. I drove myself to emergency, and was surprised that the hospital staff considered my condition serious enough to see me within an hour of my arrival (waits of more than 3-5 hours are common in Canadian emergency rooms).

Long story short ... I was told I probably suffered a mini-stroke, and I've been given an appointment to see a neurologist this coming week.

Well, that's my life. How is everyone else doing?

What have we got here?

Exciting times

The other day, I mentioned how elated I was that my new venture was coming up #1 in Yahoo Search... Well, over the weekend, the same search came up #1 on Google as well (still #1 on Yahoo). A further search on more obscure search sites shows me on their radar as well, though nowhere near the top spot. This bodes well for future success. So, I'll keep plugging away.

Also today, I celebrated the (hebrew calendar) anniversary of my father's burial. Thankfully, enough men from the general community showed up at morning prayers to allow me to pay proper homeage to my dad's memory. Afterward, a small contingent visited the cemetery for further memorial services. Dad would have been proud.

Which six

When you're a senior, moving out of your home of 43 years to go to a new place is traumatic. Besides the horrors of unpacking untold numbers of boxes, there's the new place itself, with a different layout and different keys than those to which you've become accustomed. The new building has a secure entrance, where guests enter your apartment number, causing the phone in the apartment to ring. When I buzzed the apartment today, she answered the phone, then, thinking I was phoning from home, began to complain about all manner of things. After about a minute of talking non-stop, the security system cut off the call. I buzzed again.

"Why did you hang up on me?" came her immediate response to the ringing phone. When I explained that I was calling from the lobby, and asked to be let in, she couldn't remember how to do it.

I reminded her she needed to press the number "6" on her keypad. I waited perhaps 10 seconds, and when the door still didn't open, I asked her again to press the 6. Her response?.... [see title of post]

Woohoo

What a day! My mom's move is complete. I didn't kill her. And I got my first customer for my new service, less than a week after creating a website. I asked how they found me (I can't find the site using Google search). They told me my site came up as the #1 MATCH ON PAGE 1 of results using Yahoo Search!

I'll have more to say on that matter later, but first, I need to find me some "professional" graphics for the website and link exchanges. Anybody want to work on their portfolio by offering very inexpensive (a.k.a. "barter") artwork to enhance the site?

Coming soon to a screen near you

Over three years in the making, and soon to be released to the public. Read about it here.

Remembering

one year ago today

Ticked off

I've been reading ongoing news coverage of the London terrorist bombings. It ticks me off to see articles where the journalist says in effect: "these guys are really amateur. If they wanted to inflict the most damage, they should have exploded their device in the open, where shrapnel would affect the most people - not in the confined space of a subway car, where only a relatively few people absorb the entire effects of the blast".

So what comes next... probably a similarly inexperienced bomber will improve on the death toll by following the reporter's advice. Gee, thanks alot!

Shocked and dismayed

I often wonder whether I have false memories of my youth. There are events I remember vividly despite being assured they never happened. Some of these I know with my brain cannot be true - like being able to float across my living room from one couch to another without touching the floor... even if I had used one couch as a trampoline, I doubt it would have been possible to accomplish this feat. Yet even today, I have vivid memories of doing it. There have been other examples of this through the years. Today, I was confronted by disturbing evidence related to one such incident.

Forty years ago last June, I celebrated my Bar Mitzvah. It was a lavish affair, with a guest list that included more of my parents' friends and business associates than people I knew personally. Thankfully, my parents had hired photographers and a camera crew to take photographs and 8mm silent-movie footage of the event. Some years later, the 8mm film was transfered to VHS tape, with a dubbing of my Haftorah as background. That film contained staged sequences where I pretended to be drunk, losing the envelopes containing the monetary gifts - and then my younger sister appeared on the scene to scoop up the dropped envelopes, disappearing into the sunset as she counted her ill-gotten gains.

From that moment on, I have no recollection of ever seeing those envelopes again. I remember discussing it with my dad - and clearly remember being chastised for misplacing those envelopes. I never saw a penny of my Bar Mitzvah gelt.

Fast forward to this afternoon. My father died almost a year ago, and my mother is in the midst of preparing to move from her home. She's trying to get rid of as much stuff as she can, and today, she dropped off a box of Bar Mitzvah trinkets. Unused place cards, napkins, matchbooks, invitations, and reply cards had been lovingly preserved by my father, and were presented to me to do as I wish. And then I saw the envelopes. Those missing envelopes from forty years ago. Each one bore the name of the donor, and the amount of the enclosed gift - the notations made in my father's distinctive handwriting. There were also telegrams from those that could not attend, as well as the bills from the caterers, and the hand-written to-the-penny accounting of expenses that my father was famous for.

It is now painfully obvious to me that the envelopes were never actually lost. But I now have to wonder whether I received the money and just forgot (would you, as a thirteen year old forget receiving what amounted to 10-year's worth of allowance in a single day?) or whether my father chose to keep this money from me so that I wouldn't just fritter it away.

I guess I'll never know for sure.

Mourning is over

July 3rd would normally be celebrated as my parents' anniversary. Instead, by sheer coincidence of the Jewish calendar, today marks the end of the official mourning period for my father. By the Jewish calendar, the anniversary of his death will come on Tamuz 25 - which is one month from today. The official mourning period for a father/mother is one-month shy of a full year. Normally, that entails eleven months, but because of the Jewish leap year (which adds an entire month to the calendar), I've actually been mourning for twelve months on the Jewish calendar.

As a commemoration, I will be visiting the grave site this morning. Though the official mourning period ends today, my father will not soon be forgotten.

I've been really busy

Some may have noticed I'm not posting much lately. It's because I've been very busy finalizing my pet project, and have started negotiating with web-hosting and site design firms to get me online as soon as I give the final go-ahead for my new product. A number of factors have been conspiring lately to slow me down, not the least of which was a car accident that made sitting at my computer a very uncomfortable proposition. With my lower back pain more or less gone, I can once again put a full-day's work into this project without feeling like I need to get up and lie down for awhile. There have been other technical complications, but I have been steadily working through them one-by-one.

I'm finding that the data entry requirements associated with this project are far more time-consuming that I had imagined they would be. I am now working on some sort of mechanism that will allow potential "customers" to earn credits by helping with data entry.

Another blog

Anne's blog recently linked to a new one that I find fascinating. I'm taking the liberty to link to it as well. It's called Flight Level 390. Enjoy!

I can see the future

A lady in Pennsylvania probably has a great future in tarot card reading, after this.

What a shame

As the anniversary of my father's death approaches, I draw parallels to a story reported yesterday. Two weeks ago, Florence and Percy Arrowsmith celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary. They didn't marry particularly young, for the time... he being 25 and she 20. Yesterday, Percy decided to let go.

When my father became ill, he first thought he'd pull through and be around for his 85th birthday. Then, as things became more bleak, his only remaining goal was to make it to the day of his anniversary. He died less than two weeks later. At age 105, Percy must have sensed he didn't have that much time left. Still, for the love of his Florence, he hung on until his anniversary. I'm happy to report that at the time of his death, Florence was by his side.

Super-sensitive

I'm ultra-sensitive to cigarette smoke. I instantly get watery eyes when I come into contact with it, even if I can't see where it's coming from. I also have trouble with Indian food, having gotten food poisoning on three separate occasions shortly after dining in on Indian food (these attacks were serious enough to land me in the hospital). So I can understand how Elizabeth Hurley feels. Under the circumstances, I don't give this relationship much chance of working.

Toothless Tiger

During all of Tiger's bad times over the past couple of years, I never doubted that he was still the "best" golfer out there. His mental toughness was beyond anything I had ever witnessed. Today, I think he's lost his edge. Now playing his first tournament since having his consecutive tournaments without missing the cut string broken, he looks unsure - out of place.

After the second round of the current tournament (in which he is the defending champion), he was one stroke out of the lead. Yesterday, he shot a one-under par round. Not spectacular, but at least it was under par. In the process, thirteen other golfers shot well enough to either pass him, or tie him. He went from second place to a tie for tenth, and I believe he's now out of contention for a repeat title. When was the last time you can recall thirteen players catching up on Tiger while he played an under par round of golf?

Right now, Tiger is poised to add to his overall point score (with Vijay missing the cut). Still, he's not having what I would call a great tournament.

It's not that I have nothing to say...

It's just covered by the censorship guidelines I've recently adopted. You can bet I'm busting at the seams to let the details all hang out.

For those who are wondering, I did allow myself a few minutes to enjoy my birthday on Tuesday. Weird day though... was the sole eyewitness to a rear-ender car accident in the afternoon, then got rammed from behind while stopped at a red light that same evening. Karma!

Censorship is good

To anyone who saw my earlier post, consider yourself lucky. Several of my friends suggested I remove it. Upon reflection, I think they're right.

Gotcha!

I've wanted to post this entry for a long time. But to do so would have ruined the surprise. I think I was a part of the best Mother's Day celebration my wife has ever had. For a couple of weeks now, I've been scheming to secretly bring our daughter into town for Mother's Day without anyone finding out about it. I'll spare the details (which would take several paragraphs to explain), but just say the secret was well-kept, and my wife didn't know our daughter would be in town until she looked out of the car window and saw her at the curb at the train station.

The entire weekend went absolutely perfectly. I'm so grateful to my daughter for deciding to come down for the weekend, and for the secrecy we were able to maintain.

Happy Mother's Day, honey!

Birthday wishes

Happy Birthday, dad. Though I continue to go to twice-daily prayer sessions in your honour, I try as much as I can to get on with my life. Still, on what would have been your 85th birthday, it's the first time I haven't gotten you a card, or visited you at home for your special day. I don't cry about you very often - probably only twice since you passed away, because all the memories I have of you are happy, and I smile when others might cry. Today, though, I miss you alot, and hope you're happy.