Well, I'm pretty happy about the Monday afternoon meeting. I was told it was going to be an interview session, and it was not. That was disappointing. However, in every other respect, the afternoon meeting was excellent. The company putting on the seminar was quite upbeat about their own business outlook, and seemed genuinely interested in hiring several of the people recently put out of work by my ex-employer.

They made a point of saying that my ex-employer's misfortune is their gain... that they intended to hire between 12 and 15 of the people laid off this month. The information session was attended by approximately 30 people. If they indeed plan to hire 12-15 people from that group, I'm liking my chances. Hopefully, they are not against sponsoring an out-of-country candidate with a previously approved work visa.

I feel encouraged.

Just a bit of a depressing evening. The weather is not cooperating. I'm generally able to shake my depressed states when the weather is a bit nicer, but tonight, it just wasn't meant to be. It's too early for despair, but I really want to be working. I don't want to sell this house. I don't want to have to move away from this area to seek work. But, I'll do whatever it takes to provide for my wife and I.

I'm hungry, and am trying not to eat everything in the house. And I'm angry that I've allowed myself to focus on lucrative specialties that are currently not in demand. I can revert to being an underpaid generalist, but I won't be happy in that role. OK, I'm having a self-pity moment. It'll pass.

I've just done some minor changes to the blogger template, affecting how links are displayed. If you have any comments about these changes, please let me know.

A lighter post to start the morning...

I read some of my friends' blogs which comment on how funny some of the searches are that brought people to their sites. I didn't really know what they were talking about (i.e. how did they know what search had brought people there). Then, I started using SiteMeter. Now, I understand. It's really funny how random thoughts, written down in a blog, can contain the same words (in different order, and completely unrelated context) as those used in a search-engine query.

I haven't been using SiteMeter for very long, so my list of strange searches is not that comprehensive. But there are still a few that bear mentioning. And these don't count the ones that "scrolled off" my SiteMeter history page before I even realized they were available...

"my smartforce crack" (ranked 10th on Google)

"sgt shultz" (ranked 18th on Yahoo)

"AWC Java crack" (ranked 10th on Google - German Language edition)

"issues for Canadians buying real estate in Arizona" (apparently on Google, though I couldn't find it myself)

"ftp servers download Dark Angel" (ranked 22nd on Yahoo)

"remove crazy glue" (ranked 2nd on Yahoo)

Except for "sgt shultz" and "remove crazy glue", the other phrases did not appear in any of the blog entries.

Enough about silly searches.

My wife has been doing an absolutely marvelous job getting the house ready for listing. It's going to be hard leaving this place, as we have put a lot of love, attention, and money into it. Oh well, life goes on.

My parents are home! I picked them up from the airport yesterday, and by 10:00PM, they arrived home to the sound of the telephone. They rushed inside just in time to get a call from my out-of-town sister. Her timing was impeccable. I was unloading suitcases from the car, so I didn't get a chance to say hello. Hopefully, she reads this blog once in a while, and will see that I was thinking of her. The house was darker than it should have been, and the lights in several parts of the house wouldn't come on. We found that a couple of breakers had been tripped. Although we reset them, I detected the sound of sizzling electrical wiring behind the light switch in the part of the home affected by the tripped circuit. I guess my parents are lucky their house didn't burn down. Hopefully, they'll get that wiring fixed immediately.

During the drive home, we were talking about the flight and other stuff while we were in the car. I asked them about the storm they flew around; the one that had come upon them about 40 minutes outside of Phoenix. They were amazed. They asked how I knew, and I told them that I had been tracking their flight across the United States while they were in the air, and I was watching when the plane abruptly changed air-speed and heading. They had arrived more than an hour late, and were worried that I had been waiting at the airport for the longest time. I assured them that, because of the internet tools (I'm still trying to convince them to install an internet connection) I was able to see that the flight had been delayed, and ended up getting to the baggage carousel only 10 minutes ahead of them.

The new terminal at Metropolitan Airport is nothing short of stunning. It has been designed to make things far more convenient for passengers. I have seen well-designed airports before, but this one was truly amazing. The terminal building is a mile long. There are high-speed trams running the length of the terminal. Two trams start at each end of the terminal, and go non-stop to the drop off point at the centre of the terminal. This drop off point is where all the security, ticketing, baggage pickup and passenger pickup goes on. Since September 11th, no unticketed passengers are allowed to go to the gates, but this system was much more convenient both for travellers and their greeters. Rather than waiting by the gate, and walking god-knows-how-long to get to the baggage claim area, then waiting for bags; I can now park within a few feet (I'm not exaggerating) of the terminal entrance, and then go perhaps 100 yards through the terminal to the baggage claim area.

It was a pleasant experience, further enhanced by the fact that parking fees can be paid via ATM-like machines located in the terminal. So, rather than waiting in long lines to pay a parking attendant, pre-paid users of the lot can simply zip through a special gate to exit the lot.

I got two job-related emails today (three if you count the two emails I got about the same topic). There will be an open house on Monday sponsored by one of the companies my resume was sent to. I am among a couple of dozen people invited to attend. I got the invitation from the personnel department, as well as from the counsellor at the job bank. We'll see how that goes. I recognize some of the names of people who were invited (all the email addresses of invitees were sent in the clear). Hopefully, I will do OK at any onsite interview. Another site I had responded to sent a request for a resume in a different file format. I guess they wouldn't have bothered if there was no reason. Again, we'll see how that goes. The appointment will be on Monday in the afternoon. I'll let everyone know how it goes.

Well, based on the grass in the front yard being about 4-5" tall, we decided it was time for the first cut of the season. We went to the shed in the backyard to retrieve the lawnmower, and made two significant discoveries. One, the lawnmower wouldn't start. We left gasoline (and gas conditioner) in the engine over the winter. Now, we find out that most conditioners do sweet f*** all keeping the lawnmower in working condition. The repairman told us we should just drain the fuel and try again with fresh fuel, rather than spending money on needless repairs. The second discovery... grass in the backyard is over a foot long, everywhere! Maybe it's the animal fertilizer dropped during the course of the winter, or possibly the low water table in our back yard. Whatever the reason, we have a very lush field of dreams in our back yard. Even if the lawnmower starts, it's doubtful it will be able to cope with the long grass.

Just another hour-plus before I leave to pick up the keys to my parent's car. And then, by tonight, they'll be back home. I know I've said it before, but I've really missed them this particular winter. Maybe it's my current situation, or the fact they're getting older.

Not much has been happening worth writing about. On Wednesday, we attended a seminar for people who intend to sell their homes. It was sponsored by a group of related professionals who offer services to the "For Sale By Owner" types - those who wish to avoid the high commissions of real estate agents. While there was some useful information presented in the seminar, all in all it seems like the stress level required to be directly involved in face-to-face negotiations with purchasers may be too overwhelming for us to go that route.

The most important aspects of the seminar were: you need to price your property correctly (not too high, not too low); and you need to do everything possible to make the property look attractive to prospective buyers. These points are common sense, but there were examples of how people tend to believe the improvements they've made to their own properties make them worth so much more than the houses around them... when the reality is that the neighbourhood and prevailing market sets prices far more than the individual merits of your home. With this depressing knowledge, we now believe we'll get $10-$20000 less for our home than we originally hoped, based on the prevailing market, and less still after commissions. It's too bad. Someone is going to get a real steal of a deal.

I've sent three resumes out in the past 24 hours - all to companies who are advertising positions for which I am qualified. One of those positions is an out-of-town opportunity, but the others are local. There was also a posting in the local paper for a government job, but I couldn't in good conscience apply, since I only had two of the five required skills.

I wish I could say things are going better on the job front, but it has been discouraging so far. I have not been sending out resumes indiscriminately, choosing instead to send them only to companies I believe are offering a good fit. So far, except for emails acknowledging receipt of the resume, I have heard nothing. And my resume in the job bank is faring no better. It's cool, the statistics available from this bank... you get to see how often your resume was found during employer searches. And then you get to see how many times your resume was actually scanned in detail, after it was found. In the three business days following its posting, my resume was "found" in 10 searches, but not scanned even once in detail. I don't know whether that means I don't have the qualifications required, or whether my resume came up so low in the search order than there was no need to go that far down. I've called my advisor for help in getting my resume to "show" better in searches, but so far, she hasn't gotten the time to get to my resume.

My sister in law called yesterday with information about a job site I had not heard of before. She's been praying for me, and apparently has also been looking to help me get a new job. That was a very sweet thing for her to do. If you're reading this, thank you.

Well, I polished off the remaining chocolate covered almonds yesterday, all on my own, and got a sore tummy in the process. I ate them because they were there, not because I had a craving. It's now about 12 hours after I had them, and my tummy is still sore. Not only that, but I woke up in the middle of the night with a massive headache, no doubt caused by sugar overload. I had to take aspirin before I could get back to sleep. Boy, I sure can exhibit self-destructive tendencies when I choose to!

Meanwhile, on the retraining front, I am making very good headway with my Java training. I am actually understanding everything I am learning, and really look forward to doing some meaningful programming. I already know exactly what application I want to start working on, and I think it could be a money-making proposition (in case I don't land a job soon). I'm getting pumped. I just wish I owned a Windows NT/Windows 2000/Windows XP Professional desktop computer, so I could deploy a web server application. Windows ME seems to be the worst-supported variant of the Windows family of products. Just my luck...

On Sunday, when I rented the movie to be viewed with my sister, I had a craving. There were chocolate covered almonds at the checkout counter. I know why they're at the checkout counter. It's so chocaholics like me with plunk down that extra cash and just give in. Well, I've got diabetes, so my days of eating refined sugar are basically history. I am very picky about what goes into my mouth, and I take my diabetes medication religiously. Thank goodness, my body still has enough capability, with the help of pills, to generate enough insulin to do its job, so I don't need shots. But I do take high-dose pills, and am supposed to check my sugar levels.

I don't test my sugar levels very often anymore. Since nearly my first day on meds (nearly two years ago), my sugar has been in the "normal" range. I've gone from testing my levels twice a day, every two days (the number of times suggested by my physician), to checking twice a week, to checking weekly, to checking whenever I feel like checking. When I have my blood work done (every four months), the readings have ALWAYS indicated that my four-month average glucose is well within the "normal" range.

So, why am I writing this? Well, last night, I returned the movie to the video store. And that package of chocolate covered almonds was still there. And, after eating everything under the sun EXCEPT the chocolate over the past 24 hours, I remembered the old Weight Watcher's admonition.... it is sometimes better to give in to the craving, than to eat ten-times more of something else trying to overcome it. I bought the chocolate-covered almonds, and went home to indulge my craving. After eating a larger-then-recommended number of pieces (the label indicates 17 pieces is a "serving" - yeah right!), let me say two things... chocolate doesn't taste as satisfying to me as it once did (I wasn't salivating during or after the pig-out), and I was in fear after eating the chocolate that my sugar levels would go through the roof.

I went to bed without testing my sugar levels (what would it prove if the level was high, and how high is normal after eating sugar - these are things I really don't know), but decided to test myself (for the first time in over two months) when I woke up this morning. I figured my readings would be in the high 90's (still very much in the "normal" range). After all, it had been over six hours since I had eaten the candy. My reading was an unbelievably wonderful 78. That's without taking medication before the candy, or after the candy, and without taking medication yet this morning. I've been losing weight intentionally lately, and it just might be that my body is better able to cope with food processing than when I weighed significantly more. I still have a very long way to go in my weight loss efforts, but I've made a good start. I have no intention of stopping my medications, or of indulging my cravings more often than I have been. But it was good to know that I had not done serious damage to my system, or reversed the effects of all the good things I've been doing to cope with the diabetes. I mentioned that I had "pigged-out" on the chocolate. Actually, that's only a half-truth. Yes, I ate more than 17 pieces (it was my first candy bar in more than a year). But I didn't eat the entire package. In fact, I didn't even eat half the package. I ate enough to satisfy the craving (which I will confess was fewer than 17 pieces), and then a few more for good measure - perhaps 25-30 pieces overall.

Now, I have to decide what to do with the rest of the package. Do I keep it, and eat a "proper" serving once a day or couple of days until the package is gone, or do I offer the remainder of the package to my wife (thereby sabotaging her weight-loss program), or do I throw it out (I hate throwing out anything I've paid for). I just don't know.

Last night's visit with my sister and her husband was wonderful. My wife and I had decided to rent the movie Bandits because we remembered it as being funny, and not too violent; both are qualities that are appreciated by my sister. I really enjoy their company. If we have to move out of town for me to find work, I'll really miss them. I also miss my parents, as I've noted here before. They are scheduled to return on Saturday, and last night, I found out I'm supposed to pick them up at the airport.

On the job search front, I had noticed a couple of reasonable ads in the local paper for positions I'm qualified for. They don't offer very much pay, but I'll apply anyway, just in case there are opportunities for advancement within the organization. I know a couple of people who work for the company, so maybe I will have a leg up if they see my name on a resume. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

The term "ADD" - Attention Deficit Disorder, has been changed to "ADHD" - Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. It's too bad, because my wife had used the original phrase in an amusing fashion that I think is worth continuing. We have two very loving black labs, and the younger of the two is just not happy unless she is the centre of attention. We often say she has "ADD", meaning that she can never get too much attention. When people ignore her, her "attention deficit disorder" causes her to intrude on conversations, meals, cuddly-times, whatever is going on... and aggressively work her tongue against any exposed area of skin she can locate. Sometimes, this is cute. More often, it is annoying.

The cat is doing well in her new environment. We visited her in her room numerous times throughout the afternoon and evening yesterday, and for the most part, we found her curled up in her "condo", just as when she had full run of the house. On all occasions, she was pleased to see us, purring happily and rubbing against us. Last night was her first night in the room alone. This morning, when we opened the door to her room, as we expected, there was feces on the floor near her litter box, but she had urinated in her box. Following directions in a "cat guide", we have now located her food dish over the spot where she pooped (we washed it first, of course) to discourage her from doing this again. Whether or not we are eventually able to retrain her, we will keep the cat, since messing this enclosed area is not so intolerable.

My wife has picked out some "open house" properties to go through today, and that should take up the bulk of the afternoon. Tonight, we will have my sister and her husband over for a movie night. I'm looking forward to that. Last weekend, when we went through open houses, we met a real estate agent that said that properties, fairly priced, are selling within three weeks of being listed. I wonder what the agent meant by "fairly priced"....

Mortgage rates and loan rates have risen in Canada over the past week. Even if I get another job before it's time to pick up our new cars (we haven't informed the dealerships about my job loss yet - in case I were to find another job before the end of June), the monthly payments on the cars will now be higher. Since these vehicles were at the top of our affordable range, it is unclear whether we will be able to find affordable financing.

I had an emotional experience today similar to one I've had before. Today was the day when the cat wore out its welcome. At 7:00AM, when I went downstairs to feed the animals, I was greeted by a newly produced puddle of cat urine in an area of the hall she has never used before. It was the last straw. We're trying to fix up the house for possible sale, and this is just a stress we don't need. I tried to keep a stoic expression as I readied the cat cage for it's final trip. I even spent nearly two hours preparing a flyer that the Humane Society could use to show prospective adoptive families how beautiful and well mannered the cat was. By 10:00AM, all had been gathered, and the cat and I were on our way.

The drive to the Humane Society was sheer torture. The cat seemed to know something was not quite right. She cried meekly, not the howls I was used to when she went on rides to the kennel or the vet, but a soft whimper - a last "I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you". I bawled out loud all the way there, asking her forgiveness as we drove. I must have looked pretty silly to the other drivers on the road, since the cat carrier would not have been visible to other drivers. It was tucked into the back seat where it would be safe.

When I got to the Humane Society, I was shuddering all over. Based on my expression, the people behind the desk must have assumed I was bringing an animal in to be destroyed. I explained that my cat needed to find a new home - one that would be more tolerant of her recent habits. They tried to convince me that maybe it was just a behavioural problem, and that it was impossible for them to place a cat with a new family, knowing what they knew about her current habits. They were probably right, but there wasn't enough time to try to teach this cat new tricks. Time was just too short.

But, I didn't want her to die. She's a wonderful cat. I asked if there were any cat rescue locations that might be willing to try an adoption, and they gave me a couple of names. They also suggested I visit the vet. That last idea seemed pretty reasonable. I figured the vet would only be visited by people who were concerned about their own pets, and possibly be in a position to offer a replacement to families whose own pet had met with an unfortunate end. While I was at the office, the vet technician talked about the environmental stresses that might cause such behaviour. As she spoke, I tried to keep an open mind, and recognized some of the stressors as being present. She suggested that we might be able to retrain the cat to use her litter box by confining her in a bathroom for a week or two, visiting her in this environment, but not allowing her to have full reign on the house. I certainly didn't want to confine the cat to our newly retiled bathroom - that was part of the problem in the first place. However, the more she said, the more sense it made to me.

I left the flyer (with pictures, description, and background data) with the vet, to be posted on the bulletin board. Meanwhile, I returned home with the cat, and on the way, decided on the perfect place to confine her while she's being retrained. We have a "cooler" room, just off the laundry area. It's fairly narrow (maybe 3 ft. wide), but quite long. There's certainly enough room to place her bed, food, litter box, and even the "cat condo" and still give her enough room to move around comfortably. I was surprised when she was placed inside. She didn't complain at all. Somehow, I think she knows she came that close to buying the farm. She's been inside for the entire afternoon, and we've gone into the room to visit her... stroke her... brush her... play with her. I hope she learns to use the litter box before we get a serious inquiry from a good potential home. For now though, she stays in the house. And I'll sleep better tonight knowing she's still here.

The most wonderful thing about blogging is the comments you get. Anyone who reads my blog can see I don't get many comments. I'm sure the most likely reason is that my blog isn't all that interesting, and certainly not thought provoking. The second reason is that not many people know about my blog. I think there are only two others in the universe that link to mine.

Anyway, I got an email from my sister, commenting on one of the entries in my blog. Without going into detail, she was surprised by a comment I made about sexual orientation, sent a rather long letter expressing her own (dissenting) opinion. My sister is really a fantastic woman. She's smart, level headed, and incredibly tolerant. In these respects, she has all of the available gene pool. Both I and my youngest sister have nothing on her (though my youngest sister might disagree with that). Well, at the risk of provoking more of an outcry, there is a survey being taken here regarding one's opinion on cunnilingus. This time, I will keep my opinions to myself, but encourage all those who wish to take part in the survey to do so.

On a lighter note, I attended the last of my orientation seminars today. The topic was "How to use the internet to further your job search". I figured I knew my way around search engines (from a user's perspective) and had very low expectations that I would learn anything useful at today's seminar. The real reason I chose to attend was so I could register myself in the Job Bank, thereby completing the last step in the process of applying for unemployment insurance. Imagine my surprise when the instructor showed me one search technique that I have NEVER heard of before... Alta Vista (and perhaps other services - I haven't checked) offers a search called the "link" search. Let's say, for example, that I want to find companies who were in some way associated with my old employer. By using the syntax: link:someurl.mycompany.com and clicking the Search button, I will get a list of all the sites that link to my employer's page. In effect, this is a way of getting a pretty comprehensive list of the "partners" my company works with. Perhaps I will get one or two good job leads from such a search. It's a small thing, and some people will say "Didn't you know you could do that?". Well, no, I didn't know.

Just one more post before heading off to bed. One of my friends was on the brink of going off the air, and because of my current situation, I couldn't even offer to help. It felt really awful to want to do something, while realizing there was really nothing I could do. So, I was glad to read that the tragedy has been averted.

This morning, I headed out early to get a cracked windshield replaced. Leasing companies frown upon having their cars returned with broken windshields, so I thought it might be a good idea to do it now. Hopefully, my decision to fix it a full two months before the car is scheduled to be returned won't backfire. All I need is for the window to get broken again.

While the window was being replaced, I decided to drop in on my wife. She works about a mile from the shop, so I decided to take a short walk. When I got there, I got permission to use the community internet system and did a scan of the news. I was very sad to see that the U.S. had accidentally bombed a contingent of Canadian soldiers overnight in Afghanistan. Those are the first Canadians to die in combat since the Korean War. I hope it doesn't shake the resolve of the Canadian government to do its fair share in the war against terrorism, but it is still a sad event.

Once I leave my wife's office and pick up the car, I will continue with the office cleaning I started yesterday. I think it is best that I maintain my momentum, so that I can finish the job while I'm motivated. I don't stay motivated for long for things such as massive cleanups.

I got an email out of the blue yesterday afternoon from a salesman at my former place of business. He had heard that the company was laying off massive numbers of people, and on a whim, called to see if I had survived the purge. I think he was genuinely surprised when I told him of my plight. This gentleman is a real mensch and of his own volition, found a client that is currently looking to hire experts in my field. He offered my name, and the client agreed that it would be a good idea for me to forward a resume. So, last night, I sent off an updated resume. I am wondering whether I will get a call today...

I'm supposed to visit the Unemployment Office tomorrow for a scheduled seminar. This seminar has been rescheduled once already, and hopefully, tomorrow will be the day. While I'm there, I think I'll finish the process of validating my Unemployment Insurance claim by getting my resume into the national job search data base.

It's a little over a week until my parents return from their winter holiday down south. I'm looking forward to seeing them. It's been a long winter...

It's spring! Yesterday's temperature, officially a record breaker at 30C (86F) was actually warmer than that. My thermometer at home was registering 32C (90F), and it's supposed to be warm again today, for the third day in a row. Speaking of spring, today, I started the massive cleanup effort that my office has been needing for nearly 10 years. Despite the decision to throw away old documents, I still have to ensure that I don't destroy important doodles (I doodle on everything, and lots of my doodles contain significant information - like user IDs, passwords, account numbers, software serial numbers, etc.). So, the process of weeding out the true garbage from the useful garbage is tedious at best.

So far, I've managed to chuck about 50 lbs. of paper. That represents less than 10 percent of the amount I will probably end up throwing out. This garbage pile primarily consists of documents related to my former employment, but also contains other documents, some of which have been gathering dust on my desk for over five years. Lord knows what I will find when I start weeding through the archives. Ironically, despite having completely cleared my desk of unwanted clutter, I still haven't been able to locate a CD-ROM that had last been seen less than three weeks ago. Oh well, if it's here, I'll find it....

Despite being unemployed, I have to send a hearty "thank you" to my ex-employer. They sponsored a seminar to get us accustomed to the "red-tape" of the unemployment system, and provided very useful information about the process. Today, I managed to make it to the unemployment office. Following the advice of the counsellors at the seminar, I decided to visit an unemployment office nearly 60 miles from where I had been working. The counsellors had warned that the typical wait at the urban unemployment centres was between 4 and 6 hours long; and indicated that by investing 90 minutes to drive to the further office, we could be processed within 30 minutes. The calculations were almost correct. It actually took just over an hour to reach the office, and nearly an hour to get to the head of the line. But, the total time (round trip drive, plus getting serviced) took about 4.5 hours. It would have taken less, but the official processing my claim forgot to give me the "blue card" for validating my claim.

If it hadn't been for the seminar, I would not have known to expect the blue card, and would have gotten all the way home before noticing. As it was, I had stopped for a quick bite before getting back on the road to go home, and it was then that I noticed the lack of said blue card. A quick trip back to the office rectified the situation.

Funny thing... while at the office, the person handling my claim asked why I had driven to a U.S. unemployment office over 80 miles from my Canadian home, when there was a local Canadian unemployment office in my own home town. I knew there were tax treaties between the U.S. and Canada, but hadn't realized that unemployed workers of U.S. corporations who lived in Canada could file their claims from inside Canada! Oh well, what's done is done. The officer told me I might want to transfer my claim to Canada, so if there is any trouble that requires a trip to the office, it would be more convenient for me. I'll think about it.

Tonight, I will get a chance to see my step-son. He'll be over to help my wife put the bedroom furniture back into the bedroom, now that the carpeting has been installed. I had helped empty the room before the carpeting, but hurt my back in the process. My wife wants to ensure I don't do that again.

Also tonight, the next episode of "24" is on. It is getting near the end, and it is getting harder for me to avoid reading the "rumours" that are circulating about the plot. I've already gotten into the habit of turning the channel immediately after an episode to avoid hearing "spoilers", but now the network has started broadcasting spoilers in randomly placed advertisements during other shows. It's quite annoying. My question is this: Who are they trying to lure to the show? The loyal fans who have already watched 18 of the 24 episodes are likely to come back whether or not the episodes are advertised or not. And there are few new viewers who are likely to jump on the bandwagon, having already missed 18 of the 24 episodes. I wish the Fox Network would spend their money more wisely and stop screwing with my mind.

I'm a very straight male, and I have strong feelings about the immorality of same-sex relationships. Still, when I see a guy who I think would be attractive to females, I am willing to give the guy his due. After quite a while away from the series, I started watching Ally McBeal again this season. And I happen to think the romantic interplay between Calista Flockhart and Jon Bonjovi is very adorable. I can't believe this guy is 40. He looks like he's still in his 20's, and I really like the way these two actors look together. Christina Ricci (the Addams Family movie) played a lawyer-temptress in last night's episode, and is set to join the cast. I guess they needed someone else to "out-bitch" Nell, now that Lucy Liu's character seems to have disappeared from the scene.

I should stop now, before I prove just how TV-addicted I really am :)

Stress can be so numbing. My wife usually goes to bed quite early (between 10:00 and 10:30PM). Last night, I convinced her to watch a new episode of NYPD Blue, keeping her up until 11:00PM. The change in her bedtime, and the nap she had had earlier in the afternoon (when she came home sick from work) was enough to throw her system out of whack. When her head hit the pillow, sleep did not follow. So she waited... and she tossed and turned... and she opened the window (it was really hot yesterday night)... and she heard noises outside... and she remembered an after-work meeting that would keep her busy long into the evening... and she thought about the open houses and what eventually awaits us... and she tried her quiet music, and her yoga... then she tried yogurt and crackers, and before you know it, it was 4:00AM and still no sleep.

I heard her walking around upstairs, but knew better than to go up and disturb her. She hates nothing more than when I stumble in at the wrong moment, just as she's starting to feel sleepy, and wake her with stupid chatter. So I waited, and finally went to sleep myself. When I woke up at 4:00AM and realized she was still walking around, I went to check on her. I didn't stay around long, again not wanting to add to her stress (I fall asleep quickly, and snore to wake the dead). If she's still awake and I'm snoring, that's just another stressor. I went back to sleep in the TV room, and woke at 7:30AM to the sound of her foot steps. I don't think she got a wink all night. She'll probably sleep at work (I hope they understand) and will hopefully be awake enough during the evening meeting to do her job adequately.

As for me, I've just finished with the carpet installers, and the last bedroom is now fit for viewing. The furniture will be back in the room tonight, and we will finally have our bedroom and upstairs hall cleared of furniture. That leaves only my area of the house that needs to be prepared for a real estate agent. I guess it's my turn to get stressed.

I spent the day today filling out unemployment insurance benefit claims forms at home, so as not to get to the office and find that some critical piece of information was missing. This form contains a question about immigration status, and I'm not sure whether my H1-B work visa qualifies as required documentation for this question. For the first time, I have doubts as to whether I will qualify for benefits. That would be a major disappointment, and would hasten my need to find new employment.

It's late. I'll be heading to bed soon, but thought I'd just do a quick update. Having completed my resume rewrite, I forwarded it on to the instructor, and also to a friend who graciously accepted my request for a review. Thanks. You know who you are.

Later today, I'll be heading off to the unemployment office to register for my benefits. I hope all goes well.

A lot can happen in two days. The painter finished his work, and we're really pleased with the results. If our house does go on the market, it will have much better curb appeal and a more inviting first impression when people step through the door. He and his helper did a marvelous job. As I had feared, however, the cat did decide to mark its territory in one of the previously inaccessible areas of the house, and, not to be outdone, one of the dogs decided to do the same the following day. It took over an hour to clean the messes, and hopefully de-scent the area. Now that the painter is done, and the paint on the door has dried, the room is again off-limits to the pets.

Friday was largely spent in the U.S. After having spent the earlier part of this week updating resumes and applying to a couple of positions, Friday was the day when I finally got to attend classes focused on resume writing and interviewing skills. I don't know why I wasn't aware of this beforehand. It should have been obvious. But it seems that every human behaviour, if studied long enough, will yield insights to how the behaviour can be optimized or improved.

The experts at the seminar on resume writing really opened my eyes. They gave me a fresh perspective on the purpose of a resume, and unfortunately in the process, made me realize how utterly terrible my previous resumes must have looked to employers. It's a shame that I hadn't had this perspective prior to sending out the resumes earlier this week. Anyway, with this new knowledge, and the positive attitude that I have about my own skills, I think any future resumes will be "killer" documents. Just in case, the instructor has graciously volunteered to proofread any resume sent to him. I feel pumped.

On the domestic front, our forced frugality continues to pay benefits on the weight-loss front. I am now down 12 lbs. from my pre-Passover level, and am not feeling deprived in the slightest. In the past, when we shopped for meal ingredients, there would be times when the produce would go bad before we had time to use it all. Lately, we've begun to purchase pre-packaged foods that only need to be heated in the microwave. I'll tell you... these foods have come a long way from the "TV dinners" of the seventies and eighties. They are nutritious, good tasting, and reasonably priced. And the real bonus is portion control. When we ate meals prepared from scratch, there was a tendency (on my part at least) to eat everything that's put on the table. Wanting to ensure that I did not leave the table hungry, my wife had a tendency to put lots of food on the table; and being a dutiful husband, I did all I could to stuff my face to let my wife know I appreciated her cooking. Not only did this inflate her ego and my tummy, it also depleted our finances. Our current arrangement is a win-win-win proposition.... lower cost meals, less effort to prepare them, and limited caloric intake.

When not working on resumes, attending seminars, or blogging, I am making time to continue my online training. I have been concentrating on Java lately, in an effort to boost my knowledge of the product, and to give me access to a free programming language with which to work on pet projects. I need to get away from using the marginalized programming tools that clients and employers have never heard of, and start using tools that will get me noticed. Since Visual Basic is essentially a windows-only development tool, I figured Java would be more universal.

Anyway, that's enough catching up for now. I'll keep everyone posted on my progress on all fronts.

The painter was here again today. This time, he brought a coworker, so we saw progress to the outside of the house as well as the inside. This had been the first dry day since last weekend, so it was ideal for scraping and the first layer of paint on the window frames. The painter finished his first coat on the basement wall. It's really looking good. He started working on the upstairs bathroom too, but messed up on his colour mix... the paint looked absolutely awful when it went on the wall - and he knew it - so he stopped, and will come back tomorrow with a properly mixed can of paint.

When my wife got home from work, she didn't even notice the job the painter had done on the outside of the house. Does this mean this entire effort and expense isn't worth the cost? No, it just means my wife had a headache. She's like Sgt. Shultz on Hogan's Heroes when she's got a headache (I see nuthink!)...

Being out of work gives me an opportunity to get out of house without being so tied down to the telephone. I visited my sister-in-law today (she had called yesterday, but I had been too busy writing my resume to take time to listen). She had a bit of a problem with her email. It didn't take too long to clear up. For someone with very limited exposure to computers, I've been pleased with her grasp of the internet; and now she's planning to register for some online training courses. Good for her.

As if we needed any more bad news about finances, we got a call from the bank where we had been preapproved for our car loans. Because of the expected rapid rise in interest rates in Canada, the loan officer said he no longer had the authority to lock in the rates he had quoted us for the 100 day period originally offered. The loan officer's discretionary limit had been cut back to only a 30-day guarantee. I guess that means the banks are expecting interest rates (and mortgage rates) to rise rapidly in the short term. By withdrawing the preferred rate, we probably wouldn't be able to afford two new cars even if I got a job (I'm assuming there's no way I will be able to find something in the same salary range I had previously enjoyed), so this puts an unofficial end to our quest for two cars. So, it's time to look at plan 'B' - a decent quality used vehicle as our sole means of transportation. It sure would be nice if we could get our deposits back, but it's not the dealership's fault that I lost my job. I won't be holding my breath.

Is it early enough to be selective, or should I just blitzkrieg the job market with resumes. I visited the internet site of the "out of town" company that I had intended to apply to, and found that their careers area listed quite a few jobs, none of which I was particularly qualified for. So, do I resist the urge to send a resume, figuring that even if I get an interview, I will flub it; or should I apply because the person who gave me the "hot tip" said they were hiring by the bushel-load.

I am the type of person who learns new skills quickly, so there's something to be said for getting my toe in the door, then proving that the rest of my body should be admitted. Then, there's the side of me that used to read resumes of prospective employees; summarily dismissing those that ignored the basic requirements of the job and decided to waste my time anyway. I'm of two minds on the matter. My wife sounded a bit miffed when I told her I had decided to pass on this opportunity. Perhaps I should reconsider...

Another Fedex package arrived today, quite unexpectedly. It contained my first severance cheque. I hadn't expected the cheque until sometime after mid-month, and thought it would arrive via snail mail. So, it was a welcome surprise.

Apparently there were newspaper reporters at the orientation meeting yesterday, unbeknownst to me. Several of the people who attended the meeting were quoted in today's newspaper, and their comments did not make me feel any more at ease. In essence, they indicated that the job market was pretty much in shambles at the moment, and that new jobs would be hard to come by. I have already applied to the local position I spoke of yesterday, but I have yet to apply to the other position. I think that will be tomorrow's job.

In the meantime, the painter is making short work of the inside work. The patch work was completed yesterday, and today, he managed to put the first coat of paint on the basement, staircase, and bedroom walls. Unfortunately, there's a bit of a problem... it means leaving doors open that are usually left closed, and I'm finding it hard to restrain the cat's curiosity now that she's discovered the new rooms. One of these rooms is my office. All my stuff is strewn about, and it's certainly no place for a cat. Worse, however, is that the dogs can follow her into this room, and corner her. When cornered, she tends to claw and spray. Yuck. I don't need that kind of mess in my office...

The Fedex package arrived this morning. This is the package that was scheduled to arrive last Friday from my employer. I guess living in a different country can sometimes stand in the way of paper flow. Anyway, I eagerly opened it, only to learn that a special orientation meeting was scheduled for Monday morning, 9:00AM. The package had arrived at 9:30. Thankfully, there was a contact to call, and I explained that my package had just arrived. Not to worry... due to overflow crowds, a second session would be held at 1:00PM. I got there an hour early...

While waiting, I was able to see people as they came in, each looking like they had been castrated, without benefit of anaesthetic. It was clear I was not alone. People from all backgrounds, many different projects, and various levels of seniority were there. I met people who had just been hired away from their previous employment within the past two weeks (can you spell lawsuit), right up to those that had never worked for anyone else in 24 years of employment. Everyone had their own tale of how they had received the news; as well as tales of colleagues who had survived the purge.

I recognized a number of my colleagues, and was sad to see them suffering the same fate as I. There were even other Canadians, displaced from their cushy U.S. jobs, and wondering what the future would bring. There was some good news...

I found that unemployment insurance would be offered to everyone, with specific eligibility and benefit levels dependent on how many months of full employment had preceded the dismissal, and what level of income had been earned. I also learned that being Canadian did not disqualify me from receiving benefits. This was good news, because, after all, I had been contributing to the unemployment insurance fund for more than four years. It would have been unfair to have been denied a turn at the trough.

Six months of unemployment benefits may be sufficient to keep us in our home while I look for another job. As a result of a search through the local job listings, and contacts made during today's meeting, I have learned of two potential job opportunities; one in Canada, and one in the U.S. I will forward resumes to both prospects within the next 24 hours. So, all in all, not a bad day. Certainly nothing happened to dampen my spirits.

The painter showed up just minutes after the Fedex package. He was ready to go, and did a good job on the patching that inevitably precedes a paint job. I had hoped to be around to supervise and spend some time with him, but the Fedex package put an end to those plans. All the contractors we use have been used before, so we have a comfort level with them being in the house. Still, when you leave your key with a "stranger", you always wonder, in the back of your mind, whether you'll be ripped off. As far as I can tell, everything is where it should be.

Tonight's challenge will be trying to distill 28 years of job experience into a page or two. I've already decided to avoid references to accomplishments that are no longer relevant to today's technology... that leaves about five years worth to cover. Perhaps I'll throw in a couple of sentences about "other" skills, as they might relate to the current environment, but nothing more. I'm a packrat by nature, and it's just as difficult to throw away parts of my resume, but I know it has to be done.

Sunday. A day of rest. Yeah, right! The painter called Friday. Thought he'd be doing us a favour coming early to get the house done. Too bad I forgot to alert my wife until yesterday evening. It meant that the preparation that would have spanned four days now had to be done in one... and I couldn't wimp out after being primarily to blame for the situation.

So, today, in addition to visiting my wife's office (to finish the computer upgrade and office move that we spent five hours on last night), I also had to help her empty the spare bedroom of all furniture so that she could start lifting the carpet. Oh, didn't I mention it... after the painter comes, we'll be putting in new carpet. So, my wife thought it would be a good idea to remove the old carpet before the walls are freshly painted. Damn, why is it women are so well organized.

I'm done my share of the work now (in a fairness sense, it's not really a fair share, but hey, I'm lazy) and I'm back to working on my computer. I'm now buying the newspaper for the large metropolitan area close to where I live; hoping there will be more job ads in that paper than there are in my local one. It's way too early to panic, but it is not to early to make my preparations. So far, so good. In addition to the letter I sent to the local employer, I've also heeded a request to send an updated resume to one of my ex-co-workers. She told me she'd keep it on hand, in case an opportunity presented itself. Whether the offer was made out of sincere respect for my ability, or out of sympathy doesn't really matter. I was touched by the sentiment.

I had written my out-of-town sister a note yesterday inviting her to read my news in the blog. Except for my parents, who are completely computer illiterate, all my family and friends have access to a computer. So, it's so much easier to direct them to the blog than to repeat myself for every member. Anyway, she wrote back today, and it was one of the nicest letters I've ever gotten from her. I guess, despite she being my "baby" sister, she's really not a baby; and her sentiments were clear and well articulated. If you're reading this, thanks for your note.

I now have added respect for the intelligence community in the United States. I've always known they were efficient, and when motivated, were among the best in the world at gathering and interpretting intelligence. Today, I have seen an example first hand. Let me explain.

A few days ago, my sister received an email from some politically aware friends of hers. It concerned the history of the conflict between the Israelis and Palestinians, and urged all Jewish people to write to President Bush, partly to offset similar writing campaigns by persons of Arabic background. Ordinarily, I don't do stuff like that, but the email was compelling, and I decided to add my two cents. The letter I sent was respectful, reasoned, and in no way militant. To underscore the fact that I was a "real person", not just another croney putting a rubber stamp to somebody's template letter, I was quite personal, and signed my full name and address. That was on April 3rd.

Today, I was looking through the hit log of visitors to my personal website. Prominent among the April 4th visitors was a single hit originating from the U.S. Department of Justice. Coincidence? I think not.

For whatever reason, the author of A fire inside... has decided to rename her blog to A Small Victory. I have changed the links to reflect the name change. Along with the new name comes a new format. I suppose there's nothing wrong with the new format, though I much preferred the old one. Still, the content is first-rate and a must-read.

Returning to the blogger homepage after my last post, I noticed this site that contains a really cool trailing mouse effect. I'm definitely going to need to "borrow" the javascript code for this one.

I visited my sister yesterday to install her new CD burner. Things went more smoothly than I thought, despite the fact that her internal PC wiring was somewhat complicated by the presence of an internal tape backup device. I had been careful to note all the connections, so in case I could not figure out how to install the new drive, I would be able to return things to normal. There was a scary time for a while, when it looked like the second connector on the hard drive's ribbon cable would not reach the bay where the CD burner was installed. Then I realized it didn't have to... with a bit of rewiring, I was able to connect the tape drive to the hard drive's ribbon cable. That left the original tape drive connector free to be used with the burner. Technical and boring, I know, but I'm glad it all worked out.

While the burner software was being updated via telephone download, I had nearly an hour to visit with her. We took the time to discuss in more detail the predicament I find myself in. By the time the conversation was over, her husband had already arrived home from work and joined the discussion. I know they feel sorry they can't do more for me, but their concern was still touching. I'm lucky to have such a supportive family network.

Anyway, with the installation and visit completed, I went on my merry way.

Today, I'm taking it easy, relaxing at home. I got a call from our daughter in Hamilton. She's been reading the blog, and called just to say hi. I miss her.

This will be the first weekend ever that I will have to be concerned with what I do, or how much I spend. It will be difficult, but I'll get used to it.

It may not pay to be overly optimistic so soon after getting the boot. It could be another manifestation of denial. But today, two good things happened. First, I was informed by the corporate payroll office that I had been contributing to an unemployment fund. So, there is some possibility that I will be eligible for unemployment benefits. I say "some possibility" because, being from a different country, I don't know if the standard requirement that you be "available for employment" applies to me. As far as I know, I lost my right to work in the U.S. when I lost my job. Anyway, I'll find out.

Meanwhile, I did a quick initial scan of the job availability board for my city (that's all online here, so I don't have to travel to the unemployment office), and I found a suitable job ad. It had a "start date" of March 20th, so I wasn't sure if the position had already been filled. I sent an initial email inquiry (stating a summary of my qualifications) asking whether the position had been filled. The response came later this afternoon. They asked me where I lived. I guess if the position had already been filled, they would have simply said that, so I am hopeful that it may present an opportunity.

At this point, if I was to land a job for any reasonable wage, we might be able to afford to keep the house. Wouldn't that be grand!

Good morning, world.

The world did not come to an end last night. I went to sleep more easily than I had expected, and woke up refreshed. I've emailed my goodbyes to colleagues and am eager to face my new challenges. While the shock has subsided, and I am now able to begin to deal with the reality of unemployment, I am sure the greater difficulty will be dealing with a lack of incoming cash. I hope to rectify that as quickly as possible.

On another front, I have decided to eat less often (fewer snacks) thereby conserving cash and calories. As of this morning's weighin, I'm down 10 lbs. from the beginning of Passover. I think I can do this...

It's now official. I am unemployed.

For Christmas, my son gave me one of those calendars that has one page for each day of the year. The calendar is entitled: Life's Little Instruction Calendar for BUSINESS SUCCESS.

Here's the entry for April 4th, 2002:

Don't quit a job until you've lined up another.

Passover ends today. Tonight's dinner will be the first in eight days where bread will be consumed. There's not much food in the house right now, and snacking is something I will need to learn to do without for the next while. So, I just may be able to maintain the eight pound weight loss I've sustained over the past eight days. It never ceases to amaze me how much I can lose over the Passover holiday. I've felt light-headed more than once this past week, so I know that my diet during this period is not healthy or sustainable. But, weight loss is desireable when you're a diabetic, so maybe, just maybe, I can use this as a catalyst to be more aware of what I stuff in my mouth, and muster the will power to keep this weight loss going - but not at the expense of my favourite foods.

Back to reality...

News from corporate headquarters continues to be bleak. While I have yet to receive any official notice of impending layoff, I continue to prepare for the worst. Meanwhile, since the announcement of layoffs, the stock market has deemed that my employer's company is not worth investing in. The value of the company has fallen nearly 40% in just the past four trading sessions. As I have always done, through any fluctuation in the market, I will hold on to the shares I own (it's not like my entire retirement is tied to this company - I own very few shares).

I visited my sister yesterday to help her pick out a CD-burner for her computer. While there, I gave her some idea of what we've been going through. She, too, has been recently shopping for a new car, and today, offered me first shot at her existing vehicle - essentially free of charge, except for the cost to get it running properly. It's a generous offer - one I may be forced to accept, if things turn out for the worst. Tomorrow, I'll be going over again to install the new drive. She had offered to pay me (even before I told her about the job situation), but there's no way I would have accepted payment for such a favour.

What a feeling of power! I put the new CD in the computer's CD player, and Music Match dutifully tried to find the disc in the CDDB library. It wasn't there, so I added it! All those discs everywhere in the world, and for only the second time in my experience, I got to be the one to add a new title to the CDDB database.

So, go out and buy this disc. And when you pop it in your player, and the album details pop up on your screen, you'll have me to thank!

Today's mailbox has been kind. A healthcare reimbursement check, that we assumed was not coming anytime soon, arrived today. That's surely a blessing. Every penny counts.

And there was another unexpected gift in the mailbox. The new CD, by talented artist Benway finally arrived. I can't wait to play it! It's called Out of the Dark. I've listened to the free MP3 teasers, but now I get to hear the whole CD. Goody!

Well, if we stop eating, and stop driving, we can last until June without liquidating any assets. Of course, it will be an uncomfortable time, devoid of creature comforts and entertainment of any description. Gone are the meals out, movie nights, and shopping trips. Shopping should now be limited to bare essentials at the grocery store. I called my accountant today. The provision for "income averaging" (which was a tax break the government gave you if you went from a high income one year to a low income the next year) has been removed from the tax code (who knew?). If we sell our home, we'll have enough equity to pay off all our debts, and even have a bit left over to put a deposit on a smaller house (we surely don't need 5 bedrooms anymore). The trick will be paying the new mortgage (or even qualifying for it) on a secretary's salary alone. It seems crystal clear that I have to have a new job! And I can't start looking in earnest until I don't have a current job.

People look for new jobs all the time while they're still employed. Why should my situation be so different? Well, the most annoying aspect of searching for a new job in this economy is that there aren't any suited to my skills. Next, and just as important, is that my visa status is contingent with keeping my current position. Without a green card, I am not free to merely wander the streets looking for a legal job. Finally, if by some miracle I find someone willing to hire a 50 year old, they won't be offering a pay package anything like what I have grown accustomed to having.

I guess I'm still feeling sorry for myself, but the feeling of helplessness is not as intense as it was yesterday (or even this morning). As I did during the previous recession, I will have to take a big cut in pay to get back into the work force...

I guess my reponse to severe emotional stress is to fall asleep. Though I've managed to place my calls to the office on time throughout the day, I am just so wiped (physically and mentally), I find that I have to go over this post at least once every three words to correct blatant typing errors. Also, my thoughts are wandering all over the map. I am having trouble forming coherent sentences...

The news delivered through the corporate email yesterday was made "official" by its release to the media. Here's the story in case you're interested...